Friday, August 24, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
Could well be that Michael Monyelle, 30, is a ba-a-a-d guy, but the reason he’s going down is because a jury in Waukesha, Wis., was alarmed about something he was thinking, not something he did. He’s now indefinitely committed as a sex predator, which usually means there’s a lot of free room and board ahead for him.
If my thought-dreams could be seen
They’d probably put my head in a guillotine
B. Dylan, It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)
Civilization in Decline
You’d hope that NYPD’s counter-terrorism experts would be smart guys, but apparently, the best excuse Anthony Chiofalo could come up with to save his job after a positive drug test was to say that his wife baked the dope into his meatballs without telling him . . . . . A court in Vaxjo, Sweden, ordered a woman to create a no-smoking zone inside her own garden because her poor buttercup of a neighbor was complaining about having to wear a mask . . . . . A recommendation by the UK’s chief prisons inspector, that guards should develop the habit of knocking before entering inmates’ cells, was received by wardens about as well as Sen. Warner’s Iraq recommendation to the White House yesterday.

The Human Condition Today
A minor Malaysian newspaper apologized for running that picture of Jesus smoking a cigarette (and insufficiently-reverent Christians failed to burn down anything) (Oh, wait, they don’t know about it yet) . . . . . We’re fighting a war overseas (plus having other national problems), but all that matters to Michael Beckett of Oklahoma City is that some #?&!#@ walked into a bar with a University of Texas t-shirt on . . . . . Chutzpah: Carl Dubois was busted for manufacturing Ecstasy after ordering ingredients under his name on eBay, paying for them with his credit card via PayPal, and with his e-mail address being . . . . . No, wait, this is chutzpah: Peter Till took the stand in Brisbane, Australia, to defend having carried a marijuana plant into court in January, and said he couldn’t believe that was illegal because he had intended to offer it as an exhibit in a court case, and in the course of testimony, Till (barefoot and dreadlocked) developed a severe headache and requested a postponement, which was granted, and then said the pain was so bad that he was going home and probably do some cannabis for it . . . . . Perfect: Two Wiccans, feuding with local occult stores, were charged with tossing raccoon parts on their doorsteps (Bonus: It was in Salem, Mass.).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Richard Berkey, 63, was nabbed by some campers near Estacada, Ore., hiding in bushes around the campground latrine. They tied him to a tree while they went to find authorities. (Bonus: The same campers remembered him lurking last yr but had decided that time to let the issue pass.) And yes, has the photo!

How to Deal with Nosy TV Reporters (even if you’re the nutso, dysfunctional son of an elderly Philadelphia judge) . . . . . Least Competent Cop? A guy standing in a car lot in Elk City, Okla., almost a mile from the police gun range was hit by a stray bullet (but the cops said it was an unfortunate ricochet, not a bad shot) . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: Fire forced the evacuation of the Comedy Zone night club in Knoxville, Tenn., right in the middle of a hypnotist’s act, with 10 people on stage supposedly already under the spell (but somehow, somehow, they made it out).

Latest brand-new explanations of Restroom Robert Allen, the Florida state senator busted for offering an undercover cop $20 to unzip and stand still for him [NOTW Daily, 8-4-2007, and NOTW Daily, 7-13-2007]: (1) He had to duck into the public-park restroom because of an imminent lightning storm. (2) He only agreed to the bj to buy some time until he could run for help to the security gate at Kennedy Space Center (which he assumed was close to the park but which is actually several miles away).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Umm, er . . . well, that is . . . I . . .

Newsrangers: Ruth Alfson, Mark Neunder, Eric Gibbs, Dan Murphy, Larry Ellis Reed
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.