Monday, August 27, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
Brian Blair is a seriously-conservative county comm’r here in Weird Central and also a former mid-card pro wrestler, and last week "settled" his lawsuit against a restaurant for doing what hundreds of wrestlers were never able to do to him (i.e., end his career by injuring him), by placing a tray of dirty dishes on the floor near the path to the men’s room. In court filings, Blair called his trip-and-fall "career-ending," but the injuries weren’t serious enough to curtail his subsequent, lucrative wrestling tour of Japan. (But they were tag-team matches, he said, and less strenuous than singles.) [Ed.: But Yr Editor would guess that Blair made more money in his career from tag-team matches than from singles; hence, "career-ending" was a stretch.] Plus Blair had an .089 alcohol reading when he reported to the hospital that night [which Yr Editor thought significant because how in the world would a sober pro wrestler get that badly hurt from a fall in a restaurant?]. And of course, Blair’s response to the alcohol reading was to deny the science, that he didn’t "recall" taking any medication and didn’t "recall" having more than one swig of wine. In fact, one Blair contingent-fee lawyer had already quit the case, with the most obvious speculation that he just thought he was wasting his time. And of course, the doctrinaire-conservative politician Blair is against these kinds of lawsuits, in favor of people taking personal responsibility for their own selves.

Civilization in Decline
The latest Drug Enforcement Admin. routine seizure of any money you have over $10k will be challenged by the ACLU; it’s one of those things where everybody knows it was illegal money but still, this is America, and there should be, y'know, actual evidence, and there doesn’t appear to be any here. Ehh, there is this troublesome court case from last yr, though.

The Human Condition Today
A Tennessee man is complaining that the state overcharged him on his marijuana taxes because the dope was inside a Rice Krispies treat, but that they taxed based on the weight of the treat [Ed.: Yeah, in Tennessee, you have to buy tax stamps for your dope, which is illegal to have in the first place] . . . . . UK taxpayers in Trafford are out the equivalent of $400k because the town council wrongly forbade the mayor to breastfeed her young ‘un in her official car . . . . . It’s a slow news week, so here’s what has happened in Oklahoma: (1) A church in Tulsa held a mud-pit romp to celebrate something or other, and (2) there was a kidnaping in Pryor with a hefty $350 ransom . . . . . Jeez, Aussies are tough: James Gilders’s good buddy (well, ex-) stabbed him and slammed a rock on his head (cause: jealousy over girlfriend), and then asked him if he was dead yet, but Gilders said "Not even close, brother" and got up and walked away (and today the buddy pleaded guilty to attempted murder) . . . . . A KRDO-TV (Colorado Springs) reporter broke the story last week that fallen evangelist Ted Haggard was soliciting money to keep him comfortable while he and his wife prepare for new trades (which is interesting enough, in that they must not have saved a penny from Ted’s comfortable salary as an evangelist), and now the reporter says the not-for-profit organization Ted suggested donations be sent to (a) isn’t in the same state where Ted thought it was and (b) has a director who is a convicted sex offender. (But he was a hetero sex-offender, which meets with Ted’s new "orientation," since he has now proclaimed himself 100-percent straight.)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 19-yr-old man in Darwin, Australia, shoplifted a porn magazine and headed straight for a shopping center restroom, where he locked himself in. Police surrounded the toilet and waited until he was finished.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Yr Editor refers you to a series of posts on last week on the outing of the late father (adoptive) of Karl Rove as a major player on the body-piercing scene (seriously). You can pick up the thread here, but there is much more in the links. Rove’s official position on his dad has apparently always been a jolly recognition that Dad did his own thing (but not commenting at all on what that thing might have been).

NOTW, The Blog
Thanks for the Helpful Analysis: Agence France-Presse (citing Korea Times) concludes its dispatch from Seoul on the proliferation of websites where kids can buy their homework: "Experts worry that such sites could send students the wrong message, that they can buy whatever they want."

Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Paul Music (for additional news wrangling)
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.