Saturday, August 18, 2007

Saturday’s 5-Star Special
Former State Dept. official Patrick Syring just retired, but he remains in trouble for going nuts on Arab interest group people during the 2006 Hezbollah war (voice messages like “the only good Arab is a dead Arab” and an e-mail, “[f-word] the Arabs and [f-word] James Zogby [head of an Arab interest group] and his wicked Hizbollah brothers”) [sanitizing by Shepherd]

Civilization in Decline
The righteous illegal immigrant Elvira Arellano passed her first yr of hiding out in a church in Chicago, supposedly “to protest” the unfairness of U.S. immigration policy (but not specifically its fraud laws, which is what she was convicted of violating, which is another reason why she was scheduled for deportation) . . . . . A cop was acquitted of misconduct in London despite taking off in the middle of the day to go snog, because he proved to a jury that he kept his earphone plugged in during the banging session and “would have responded” had he been called . . . . . Can’t Possibly Be True: A well-dressed but semi-feeble pastor was found sitting in a wheelchair at a taxicab stand at Orlando Int’l Airport and had been there for about 3 days . . . . . The District of Calamity: 3 jailers are set to be fired for a July incident in which they sent a woman to male lockup even after a strip-search because, well, it said right there on the paper that you’re a man, so shut up.

The Human Condition Today
Las Vegas’s tons-o-fun judge, Elizabeth Halverson, is before the state discipline commission, and her former bailiff said this week that she fell asleep in court every day and several times told him to go shoot her husband, “Evil Ed” . . . . . Only in California: Among the two dozen small-biz recipients of environmental awards in San Rafael is Pleasures of the Heart, a vibrator-and-lingerie store (well, the vibrators are rechargeable; some lingerie is made of bamboo fabric; it has a low-flow toilet; etc.) . . . . . A former South African police commissioner finally pleaded guilty to attempting to murder a black activist in 1989 by, er, poisoning his underwear (but amends have already been made in that the comm’r has ritually washed the activist’s feet, which is supposedly a high form of contrition) . . . . . Billionaire [CORRECTION: multi-millionaire] John Donovan was found guilty in Cambridge, Mass., in an incident in which he shot himself in an elaborate plot to blame one of his sons with whom he has been feuding (and actually, all five of his adult children hate his guts).

Your Daily Loser
From the MediaBistro blog, a pathetic attempt by an author named Bill Schneider to Photoshop himself on Oprah in order to hype his book, accompanied by an elaborately faked “transcript” of their on-air conversation.

Brazil’s public health system is preparing to honor a court order to provide free sex-change surgeries.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The Army had warned active personnel against blogging, because that could reveal sensitive information, but then an Army unit just revealed that over a recent 12-month period, official Army websites had revealed such info 1,813 times (vs. 28 times on 594 soldiers’ blogs) . . . . . The Pentagon revealed that it is fresh out, just now, of Purple Hearts, and if you’ve been awarded one, and you want the actual purple heart right away, you’ll have to buy it from a military surplus store . . . . . And even more anomalously, the Associated Press revealed that, of all things that we’re running short of in the U.S., it’s bullets! (and police departments, particularly, are suffering).

An F State judge voided another one of those Vicodin convictions [NOTW Daily, 8-14-2007] (In the F State, lots o’ pills means you’re a “trafficker,” even if you have a prescription) . . . . . And it looks like Gov. Crist (a Republican who’s about 150-160 degrees away from his predecessor, Gov. Jeb) is looking to free quadriplegic Richard Paey from his 25-yr-mandatory sentence for excessive pills [NOTW 956, 6-4-2006] because, after all, Paey is now allowed to self-medicate (currently, morphine) in prison, which is basically what he and Rush Limbaugh did while on the outside but which only Paey got shipped for.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Soon. No, no, really!

Newsrangers: Tom Barker, Doug Burdin, Karl Olson, Joe Littrell, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.