Saturday, August 04, 2007

Saturday’s 5-Star Special
Only in Coll-ee-forn-ee-yah: The sub-prime mortgage crisis meets the marijuana industry! Sacramento-area prosecutors believe that dope entrepreneurs have bought at least 20 houses in the area using no money down, then converted them to sophisticated indoor marijuana-growing factories that could net business of $1m per house.

Civilization in Decline
New video game coming: Illegals already here play to stay off the Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s radar screen . . . . . The president of the ultra-venerable Southern Christian Leadership Conference said he’d try to find a way, at the upcoming 50th anniversary celebration, to honor Michael Vick (and, yes, he said "honor," not simply "remind everyone that Vick hasn’t been convicted yet") . . . . . In Sweden, hundreds of young draftees were hacked off when the military turned them down, with 300 demanding to be forced into serving and 100 finally let in . . . . . And as everyone who watches television knows by now, the Duggars of Arkansas just gave birth to their 33rd and 34th carbon-spewing nostils and are thinking of more, and they’re all named J-something (but they didn’t get around to Jennifer until now) (no Jermaine or Jamal yet).

The Human Condition Today
Police around Orlando are looking for a 500-lb. man (in the F State, they can blend in) who has not only not missed any meals but has pretended to be a fireman in hopes of getting them for free (Bonus: surveillance video of him working a cafeteria line) . . . . . Yet another new world record in failed rehabilitation: Melissa Duhammell, 21, Hammond, Ind., released by a judge on an outstanding-warrant charge, was back in custody four minutes later, they say, when she walked out the door and solicited an undercover cop for sex.

Your Daily Loser
Catherine Delgado, 35, claimed to have been sexually assaulted, but when police questioned her, they couldn’t help but notice the fudge bulging out of her pockets and the chocolate smudges on her hands and blouse (and the subsequent clogged toilet when she tried to flush the fudge) (and the fact that the door to the Fudge Kitchen down the street was open in the middle of the night).

Updates
F-State multiple amputee Michael Wiley will finally do hard time, after 46 convictions, almost all related to reckless driving via his stumps and knees, since his arms and half of his left leg were lost in a childhood accident [NOTW M011, 6-24-2007]. Wholly apart from his physical woes, according to friends and neighbors, Wiley is also a sociopathic little turd . . . . . Another looming F State icon, state Rep. Bob Allen [NOTW Daily, 7-13-2007] has finally come up with an explanation for why he was charged with soliciting a blowjob in a public park in July. He said there were big, thug-looking black guys hovering around and that he just found it easier to agree to pay $20 than to get beat up. [Ed.: I’d score this 1.0 on a 10 scale, which could be merely the function of having an untalented lawyer advising you, but on the other hand, 1/10 spells acquittal, i.e., 12 jurors / 1 needed to buy the explanation / 1/12 is 8.33 percent.]

Professor Music’s Weird Links
will return on Monday, probably

NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor has a problem sometimes with the No Longer Weird category, in that some stories appear in bursts and become NLW, but then, mysteriously, don’t get reported for years at a time. Take the all-out police searches of a drug dealer’s property (squad cars with flashing lights on the scene, uni’s flooding the area), but in which regular customers are undeterred from wandering onto the property to make buys. That was NLW’d in 1996 after, as I recall, at least three instances inside a few months, but the one in Cleveland this week was the first one I’ve seen in a while. (This one didn’t involve stoned-out customers; it was two Jamaican suppliers delivering 12 lbs. of dope but failing to focus on the two cruisers out front and the several officers milling around.)

Newsrangers: Dave Null, Stephen Jarzornbek, Joe Littrell, Harry Farkas.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.