Thursday, August 23, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
An 8th-grader is the latest victim of Columbine Syndrome—suspended for 5 days (cut to 3) for drawing a terrifying sketch of a "laser gun" on his homework [Bonus: with a re-creation of the sketch, provided by the dad, but WARNING: Not Safe for Columbine-Queasy Parents].

Civilization in Decline
Yr Editor is most alarmed at the progress Duke Medical Center researchers are making in breeding mice with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which means they’re gonna learn more about the illness, which is responsible for, oh, at least half the most delicious NOTW stories, so would we as a society be better off without OCD? I think not! . . . . . NTSB’s job gets harder, trying to find the cause of the Minneapolis bridge collapse: heavy traffic, missing bolts, and cracking steel, and they're just now evaluating the ungodly buildup of pigeon guano.

The Human Condition Today
[Congressional] Medal of Honor fakers are all not-very-interesting losers—except when they just won’t give it up even when they’re clearly busted, like the attitude-rich Terry Powell . . . . . Ready-made for Law & Order: SVU, a child-rapist’s basement with animal skulls, organs in jars, drums of acid (all the script needs now is a plot . . no, actually, it’s SVU so it doesn’t) . . . . . Another contender for least dignified death of 2007: this Thai man who died wearing his wife’s skirt and bra (actually, 15 bras) . . . . . In a city of 20,000, even, it’s kinda easy to spot the dope seller if he has a row of arrows tattooed over each eyebrow, plus tats on his forehead and scalp with matching tats on each cheek . . . . . It must be God’s Will if a prominent Man of the Lord delivers a smackdown to a prominent Woman of the Lord . . . . . Now, people around Norwich, England, need to beware because there’s a menacing "red mist" loose, responsible, for example, for provoking this physician to belt his wife 24 times.

Kids in Budapest are said to have played Frisbee for a while with that heavy disc-shaped thingee they found, which was later ID’d as a live land mine . . . . . A TV program in the UK tried to find the family with the absolute-biggest "carbon footprint," and the winners are these guys and their 15 TV sets, 30 game consoles, etc., and a dad proudly not recycling since 1961.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
People always look around for someone to blame in a mining tragedy, and President Bush’s MHSA administrator, Richard Stickler, looks exceptionally qualified for that role; originally, Congress blocked his appointment, relentlessly, out of fear of his inattention to safety, but Bush sneaked him in via one of those "recess appointments." [Bonus: with unfortunate photo of mental-institution-type hair day]

Professor Music’s Weird Links
deserves a better-organized editor than Yrs Truly, so don’t blame the Music man

Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Ginger Katz, Matt Mirapaul, Stefan Palys, Bruce Leiserowitz, Karl Olson
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.