Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
Civilization in Decline
eCancer: The Hong Kong company Golden Dragon Group is trying to get FDA to approve its electronic nicotine atomizer (forecast price: $208, plus 350-puff cartridges for an impressively low $4 each) that will deliver pure nicotine, allegedly "without the smell or the carcinogens" of a cigarette [Ed.: contrary to some studies].
The Human Condition Today
God’s Will: 100 people at the annual St. Mary’s Catholic Church (Brussels, Ill.) picnic brawled out of control over something or other . . . . . Of equal comic value, and no injuries, was Garrett Ledbetter’s decision to mingle in the church-work crowd in Marietta, Ga., after robbing a Bank of America, but he had his stash inside his shirt, and bills kept falling out, and the helpful Christians kept picking them up for him, until two off-duty cops collared him . . . . . Wait—he’s going to freefall from how far up? 25 miles? 8½-minute drop? the first six with no parachute? . . . . . It’s OK that a lot of hunters are devout Christians and may want to carry a Bible with them into the woods, but will an ordinary black-covered Bible really disorient deer? Evidently so, because these guys are selling camouflage-covered Bibles . . . . . Couldn’t be more embarrassing: 2 guys tried to rob a security guard in a parking lot in Miami, and the guard’s fine, but one of the robbers wound up shooting the other in the eye.
Your Daily Loser
Serious Denial: According to police, Kasey Kazee duct-taped his face and robbed Shamrock Liquors in Ashland, Ky., but despite video and witnesses of police capturing him and unwrapping his face, Kazee did his best alberto-gonzales, telling reporters he just doesn’t recall any of that.
Challenging Business Model: Koji Nakamura opened the Mayonnaise Kitchen in Tokyo, with you-know-what in every single dish, including the signature drink, the Mayogarita . . . . . Caution: entry-level Internet editor at work at cbs3.com (check out the artwork illustrating this horrid story of the bludgeoning of four grannies).
Poor Mark O’Hara, the 58-Vicodin possessor who was locked up for two yrs in the F State as a trafficker before an appeals court said, WTF?-the-guy-had-a-prescription! [NOTW Daily, 7-30-2007]. Even though the appeals court judge called the case "absurd" and "ridiculous" [which is rare in the F State—not the part about the F State having absurd and ridiculous cases, but the part about a judge realizing they’re absurd and ridiculous], the local prosecutor said last week that he’s not done with it. He said he just can’t find a specific defense to the law for having a valid prescription, and as long as the legislature didn’t put one in, he has a, er, duty to prosecute.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Newsrangers: Roger Gulbransen, Steve Miller, Matt Mirapaul
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.