Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Junk dealer Richard White’s house and yard in Norridgewock, Maine, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, specifically, where an 18-wheeler filled with 24 tons of chicken poop overturned; "There’s still stuff 20 feet up the tree," he said. He’s also a little ticked that cleanup is progressing so slowly. "They [the people responsible for cleanup] think I’m a hick and don’t matter. But my life didn’t smell like this before."

Civilization in Decline
Thank goodness, it’s not just America that’s being ruined by the mindlessness of today’s TV programs: Afghanistan! (and maybe the Taliban had it right all along) . . . . . Rejoice! Ms. Indira Fernandez has passed intermediate algebra in New York City and will thus graduate from High School of the Arts and Technology. (It was her second try at the class, in her repeat-12th-grade year, after two-thirds absences the first time and one-third this time, and having failed 11 of 14 quizzes, and failing to show up at all for the final this time, though making a big splash at the senior prom.) The teacher resigned at the decision by the principle-free principal, but mom was proud of her graduate because, dammit, Indira "earned" it.

The Human Condition Today
An Atlanta-area car exporter said he was tired of the two employees always asking for raises, and that’s why he pulled out his gun and killed them . . . . . 60 residents of the Mount Gretna, Pa., community are circulating a petition to get the volunteer fire department to stop sounding that damned alarm so much . . . . . Brazil’s Formula One racing champ Nelson Piquet was ordered over to driving school for too many tickets "for all kinds of reasons," he admitted . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: After a 24-hr-plus search, a 5-yr-old boy was found alive, in a corn field in eastern Ontario, and police said (a) they weren’t sure why he was there, but only that (b) he had been last seen playing hide-and-seek with his siblings . . . . . Headline [Malaysia’s The Star]: "Student May Be Suspended for Strangling His Teacher."

Your Daily Loser
Miguel Rogelio, 37, of Pensacola, Fla., riding with a pal, was critically injured when he opened the passenger door to spit, and fell out.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Pastor Tommy Tester, 58, of Gospel Baptist in Bristol, Va., was arrested for DWI and having an open container . . and he allegedly petitioned the officers (genders unknown) for oral sex . . and he allegedly was wearing a skirt . . and he allegedly took a leak at a car wash in front of children.

NOTW Lite
1,200 Iranian weavers have now completed what will be the largest rug in the world, a nuclear-size rug, if you will, but only for peaceful purposes, to lie in a mosque in United Arab Emirates . . . . . Columnist Lee Gomes of the subscription-only Wall Street Journal reports this morning on the joyous fellowship of mathematicians sitting around a room for a weekend, trying to solve the Tate Conjecture (which of course is closely related to the Hodge Conjecture, but everybody knows that), and though the consensus is that it won’t be done "for years," they apparently loved every minute of the weekend.

Updates
The latest on Zimbabwe inflation: The gov’t has just started cranking out currency in the denomination of Z$200,000 (which will buy you a quart of gasoline, or, on the black market, one U.S. dollar and some change).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Hormone therapy for transsexuals is a slow, dispiriting process, but here’s the antidote: M-to-F’s can buy a head-to-toe body suit with all the proper equipment, so they at least look the part while the regular stuff grows in.

NOTW, The Blog
Sunday is the season premiere of Taboo on the Nat’l Geographic cable channel, with "initiation rituals" that NOTW has mentioned, such as people who hang from hooks in their skin, and those Chinese girls who grow up with rings on their necks to stretch them out so they’ll look like ostriches.

Newsrangers: Bruce Townley, Paul Music, James Reed, Jerry Whittle.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.