Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Today’s haul was a little better, but, still, this is Pro Edition, and your expectations should be high . . . [NOTE: And by the way, Yr Editor will not post at all tomorrow, or Saturday. But come back Friday and Monday, please.]

Civilization in Decline
It’s just revolting how callous American tourists trample through ruined, impoverished Third World neighborhoods with their video cameras and their artifact-climbing urchins, disrespecting the natives . . . oh, wait, they’re doing that in New Orleans.

The Human Condition Today
Police busted Pennsylvania funeral-home burglar Roderick Jones just in time to preserve the honor of a recently-deceased woman, whose legs Jones had up in the air . . . . . Again: A motorist (AWI) collided with an 80-mph motorcycle, and the driver lodged in the motorist's rear window, allegedly unbeknownst for a while to the driver . . . . . A 47-yr-old woman in the San Francisco area made friends with the man who had just raped her, setting him up for a "job interview" the next day, and he actually fell for it . . . . . A Tanzanian witch doctor jumped into a river, promising to emerge three days later with enhanced wisdom from the spirits (but all his body emerged with was river water) . . . . . The new young sumo idol, Asashoryu, continued to disappoint the sport’s traditionalists, but at least he didn’t kill any dogs; he’s either just a smart-ass or, as the Associated Press wrote (citing a Tokyo doctor), he has a "disassociative [sic] disorder" . . . . . Hey, Guantanamo’s not such a bad place: This Indian businessman so fears receiving justice in his prisons back home for his various bank scams that, to avoid extradition from Germany, he swallowed a knife.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
He’s an unnamed Troy, Mich., man who was questioned by police and then warned and released, but you can’t blame police for being alarmed, happening across him in his car with his pants undone and a "battery-powered sexual device hooked to his person." [Ed.: Excuse me . . . hooked?]

At the Minnesota State Fair, try the Spam Curds ($4), "dices of cheese-flavored Spam that are battered, deep-fried and dunked with ranch dressing," wrote the Star Tribune.

The St. Petersburg Times said that the first witness on the scene of Hulk Hogan’s son Nick’s crash [NOTW Daily, 8-28-2007] said Nick had been racing with a silver Dodge Viper, and the Times explained that there aren’t that many of those in the county, and that one of them is registered to, er, Hulk Hogan. Expect more tomorrow . . . . . Estrella Benavides (or Benevides), who was already in trouble with the town of San Mateo, Calif., for scribbling "messages from God" all over her house [NOTW 994, 2-25-2007], is now in similar trouble on her other house, in Belmont (and for those of you seeking religious wisdom, God sez: "Help worse crime ever: evil + out of mind: from Bush to neighbors using witchcraft + technology against people not belong to their religious group").

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Another Not Safe for Stomachs: This webpage’s top-10 most "amazing" body-modified people, as in, theme-modified (not just heavily-jewelry-laden), awards number one to our old pal Dennis "Catman" Avner [NOTW 905, 6-12-2005] (though you have to see the picture to appreciate him). But the other nine range from clever to spooky to unnerving, mostly unnerving.

Newsrangers: Tom Sullivan, Peter Hine, Diane Gunnels-Rowley
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.