Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
The city council of Ashland, Ore., came together copacetically and awarded a $37,000 contract to . . a therapist . . who will help the council members get past their issues of cussing each other and interrupting all the time.

Civilization in Decline
Researchers at Hiroshima University said they have mutated up a transparent-skin frog, which will alleviate the need for PETA-condemned "dissections" (and apparently the mutations could have been performed in any lab and not just one that was once a radioactive hot spot) . . . . . America is sticking it to Pedro Zapeta, who managed to save $59k over 2 yrs [CORRECTION: 11 yrs] at his minimum-wage job to go back to Guatemala, but the gov’t points out that (a) he’s illegal, (b) he never paid taxes, and thus (c) the fair thing to do would be for us to keep $49k.

The Human Condition Today
A NY Times investigation suggests that 9/11 survivor-organization honcho Tania Head must have been so traumatized from escaping her 78th floor World Trade Center office on 9/11 that she, er, made up the whole thing about escaping "her" 78th floor World Trade Center office on 9/11 . . . . . Six Catholic nuns (in Arkansas!) were excommunicated because they insist that the world’s 1.1 billion Catholics have it all wrong, in that it’s not the Pope who is God’s rep on Earth, but an 86-yr-old woman named Marie . . . . . New York officials are investigating funeral directors who picked bones from fresh corpses (to sell to medical houses) and replaced them with ever-handy PVC pipe (and Dick Wolf probably has three writers on it right now) . . . . . Ten days ago, it was the Nebraska state senator who sued God [NOTW Daily, 9-18-2007], but that was just to make a point; here’s a Texarkana woman suing Jesus, whom she says has unleashed (in conjunction with local gov’t agencies) an awful lot of pain on people, and she wants an injunction to make him just stop it (but the judge said he lacks jurisdiction over Jesus) . . . . . Here’s another [see yesterday’s NOTW Daily for more] preview of the new Guinness Book of World Records, whose release date is today, with more doozies (Most Panes of Safety Glass Run Through, Record for Milk Squiring from the Eye) . . . . . A North Carolina cop arrested a guy for aggressively coughing on him (Bonus: The perp’s name is Kauffman) . . . . . Career felons need to have their cars in tip-top shape because this F-State drug dealer and gun-possessor was handed 182 yrs in the slammer, all starting with a traffic stop for a busted tail light.

Your Daily Loser
Two teenagers were arrested in Des Moines, Iowa, after trying to outsmart burglar alarms at a liquor store by cutting through the roof, but then they failed to consider the roof’s overhang, and when they looked down at the hole they made, they saw that they were still outside. (They started up again, deeper in the store, but got tired and stopped.)

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The Gov’t Accountability Office produced another one of those reports in which its investigators tried to enter the U.S. at various locations carrying telltale packages suggesting radioactive materials and found that our border security stopped them in their tracks, busted, apprehended . . 25 percent of the time.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
For e-mail subscribers: I think the problem yesterday was just that is usually lightning-quick in sending out the daily posts, but yesterday it wasn’t. Since I was also yesterday juggling some of the settings, I just assumed that I had juggled when I should have jiggled (even though all the settings looked absolutely correct when I checked) (and they were!). Thank you to those who wrote me that the original e-mail came through.

Newsrangers: Steven Zoch, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Joe Littrell
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.