Monday, September 17, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
Firefighters in Norton, Mass., searched 10 minutes, then formed a 14-person chain to perform the rescue over rugged terrain. They pulled Michael Halko, 90, to safety after he had become lodged somewhere in the clutter of his home (only his head visible), which was packed "wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling [with junk]," said the fire chief. "There was no walkable space to get around the house. You had to crawl."

Civilization in Decline
An up-and-coming F State politico, who’s operations manager for a local white-supremacy group (day job: window cleaner), is running for the state legislature after finishing a promising 6th place (er, out of 6) for a spot on a country mosquito-control board . . . . . It’s a damned good thing that Alabama schools have "abstinence-only" sex education: With Mobile County getting STD’s at 3x the rate of NYC, just imagine how bad the rate would have been if they’d been encouraging promiscuity by teaching about condoms!

The Human Condition Today
More incompetent vigilante justice: Neighbors in a Tennessee holler burned down a child-porn-arrestee’s home, missing him but killing his wife . . . . . A bank robber-in-training in a Cleveland suburb froze up before opening the front door (in sunglasses and fake beard), drawing employees’ attention, causing a premature exit-run (Bonus: It was destined to fail, anyway, because he wrote his holdup note on the back of the missus’s deposit slip) . . . . . People Different From Us: "Over [his] dead body" will Thomas Jensen, 68, pay 50 cents to ride on New Hampshire’s toll road because he has these tokens (that expired in January 2006), and luckily for him, he says he doesn’t mind jail . . . . . An F State woman smashed into five cars but explained that it was an emergency, that she had to get her pot-bellied pig to the vet (Bonus: Ain’t no pig anywhere) . . . . . After a crash, an Ontario motorist was ticketed for DWEC (er, eating cereal) . . . . . Michael Hobbs said he learned all he knows about burglary from the Discovery Channel’s It Takes a Thief (but he might have missed an episode or two because he just got 12 yrs’ hard time).

Your Daily Losers
Incompetent butt-baring: 3 men in a dinghy on Australia’s Gold Coast stood up to moon some people and fell off (Alcohol Was Involved) (Bonus: The driverless boat circled around, and one of the men stopped the outboard motor with his face, and is hospitalized).

Sculptor Jo Mann is presumably still negotiating with eBay on listing her 5-foot-2, 3-feet in diameter, plaster of Paris and duct-tape penis . . . . . The cause of the skydiver’s death, said an officer, was "coming down from the jump and being unable to impact the ground softly" . . . . . The enemy of mad-cow disease: marijuana! (but you have to get it into their feed, not yours).

Philippines ex-judge Florentino Floro is nuts and made News of the Weird [NOTW 972, 9-24-2006] as the guy who relied on three spiritual dwarves to give him clarity to resolve cases, but a Wall Street Journal dispatch this morning [and this URL is free!] said that following the Supreme Court’s firing him, he’s now a celebrity in his spirits-heavy country. [Ed.: The judge wrote Yr Editor, quite upset, after my column appeared and now updates me semi-regularly with God's messages to him. Normally, I can’t be bothered with these things, but the WSJ notes that, since the firing, "a series" of disturbing things have happened to the Supreme Court, its judges, and their close family members.].

Professor Music’s Weird Links
From Alex Boese’s Museum of Hoaxes website (and in preparation for his November book release, Elephants on Acid) are his descriptions of the 20 most [non-hoax] bizarre science/medical experiments of all time.

Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Paul Music, Jude Troha, Bob Hale, Joe Littrell
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.