Monday, September 10, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
The neo-Nazi plague has migrated from Europe and the U.S.—to Israel, where some Jews-only-by-birth are dancing to the beat of the one and only Adolf Hitler by smacking down the serious Jews (and gays and foreigners and druggies)

Civilization in Decline
Members of an Indian tribe with special whaling rights got themselves a California gray whale off the coast of Washington, but they’re maybe not supposed to do it with a .50-caliber machine gun . . . . . Researchers mining Danish gov’t data on CEOs, found that profitability or stock price goes down a little if the CEO is building a megamansion, or when a CEO’s family member dies, but up a little if it’s the mother-in-law who croaks . . . . . A Miami Beach temple in decline is auctioning off two front-row seats, with parking spaces and a prayer shawl, with bidding to start at $1.8m, and they’re even bequeathable once.

The Human Condition Today
Naked carpentering is perfectly OK in Oakland, Calif., but not up the road in prudish Berkeley . . . . . A Texas couple with rap sheets got around 20 yrs each in the Big House for reacting to their $17 Sonic drive-in tab by pulling a gun and walking away . . . . . Docs from around the world are convening in China to figure out how to get those 26 sewing needles out of the body of the 31-yr-old woman (needles probably put there just after birth by relatives disappointed that she wasn’t a boy) . . . . . Most spectacular error: She wanted to vandalize her neighbor’s home because the neighbor stole her keys, but she got carried away and burned up the lady's kitchen, and, whaddya know, those keys were right there in her pocket the whole time.

Your Daily Loser
Keith Cochise Bellanger, 20, was caught in the act of burglarizing the home of Wayne Boniface, 69, and his wife, and by the time it was over, Wayne had forced to Keith to tap out, then ripped off every shred of Keith’s clothing trying to hold him for the cops. If you’re in your physical prime and can’t handle someone 4 yrs into Medicare, you need another line of work. (And likewise if you’re a hitman and you get choked to death by the woman you’re supposed to do the job on, only I guess there you don’t really get a chance to change careers.)

"I love that smell. Don’t you just love it? Nothing smells better to me. I was born for [them]." That would be the prominent Colorado naturist Sherri Tipple smooching, and expressing her love for, beavers . . . . . In a brain study that’s beggin’, just beggin’, I tell you, beggin’ to be misinterpreted, researchers found there’s significantly more activity buzzing around in the "conflicts" area of your noggin if you’re a liberal than if you’re a conservative.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The F State legislature has newly proposed this school yr that kindergartners up to 5th-graders must have 150 minutes a week of physical activity, but the school day cannot be extended, and certain learnin’-type subjects must be taught, so schools now realize there’s not that many ways to do it. Suggestions so far: do some learnin’ classes walking round, or freeing up some time by cutting out recess.

The former Saturday Night Live actor Tony Rosato, on trial in Ontario for harassing his wife (but who undoubtedly has Capgras Syndrome, the thing that makes you think your friends or family have been replaced by imposters) [NOTW Daily, 5-16-2007], will likely get a verdict by Wednesday. Rosato’s got a point: It’s hard to get due process, he said, when the "Mrs. Rosato" who testifies against you is not the real Mrs. Rosato, but just the person whose face has been digitally implanted into the couple’s original wedding photos.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
It’s not yet or, but it’s a start. News, Database, and Calendar for, er, competitive-eating events. Follow your favorites, Black Widow Thomas, Deep Dish Bertoletti, Jaws Chestnut. They’re all there.

Once again, Yr Editor read something too hastily last week. The late Walter Barclay, who was shot 41 yrs ago and who died in late August, was not in a coma; he spent the 41 yrs paralyzed from the waist down and subject to severe pain and violent spasms, but prosecutors still thought his final urinary infection was directly linked to the gunshots and have brought William Barnes back to court [NOTW Daily, 9-4-2007]. (Barnes has already served out his 20 yrs for the attempted murder and in fact has spent 48 of the 71 yrs of his sorry life behind bars.)

Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Michael Ravnitzky, Tom Parker [with a P], Keith Faber, Guy Ridley, Matt Mirapaul, Gerald Sacks, H.Thompson, and the occasional contributor known as Stannous Flouride
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.