Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
Several 4-stars today, but Yr Editor’s feeling selective.

Civilization in Decline
Jeez, wait till those Gorists who have shed all their energy-consuming guilt by purchasing "carbon offsets" find out that a Hummer owner can offset all his carbon, too, for less than $100/yr, and then how great will "carbon offsets" be? . . . . . At least one New York City school is so sensitive about crime stats that only the principal/ass’t principals can call 911 (and the 94-minute delay on a passed-out 14-yr-old girl may well have exascerbated her stroke) . . . . . It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner (all-new reports!): The Ministry of Justice says, when prisoners are doing road work in the community, they shouldn’t be made to wear vests that ID them as lawbreakers, because that would make them feel bad about themselves . . . . . District of Calamity: A N.Y. Times story on Washington’s super-reformer Mayor Fenty reported that his first look at the District’s bleak school system facilities (despite mega-zillions being spent on managers’ salaries) included the auditorium where students had been Pledg[ing] Allegiance to a ragged, 49-star Flag (circa 1959).

The Human Condition Today
Even in New Delhi, men are opting for surgery to tighten those glutes . . . . . You might have missed how the fugitive fundraiser Norman Hsu was found, on that Amtrak train last week: He had been trapped for several hours in a 14-inch space between his cabin’s bed and door, with circulation in his legs cut off, and rescuers required to pull the door off with a crowbar . . . . . Everybody’s got a button or two that you just don’t push: For the F State’s Hilton James, you don’t put celery in his tuna salad (or the tuna’ll wind up in your hair).

Your Daily Loser
Yesterday’s Daily Loser was the 20-yr-old who tapped out to his 69-yr-old "victim." Today, meet the 32-yr-old tire-iron-wielding mugger who got his butt handed to him by a 74-yr-old man. (There was also a 17-yr-old German mugger who got torn up by a 33-yr-old man, which doesn’t sound as impressive, but that would be a 33-yr-old blind man).

Harrods of London guaranteed itself worldwide publicity (and maybe even security) when it brought in a cobra to guard an expensive new pair of Rene Caovilla sandals (well, after all, they retail for the equivalent of $1,200 . . no, wait, $12,000, so no wonder that they’re so concerned about secur—uh, check that, they go for $120,000).

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
Everyone talks about punishing (or withholding amnesty from) illegal immigrants, but not much is said about the companion issue: support for those immigrants who play by the rules. The L.A. Times found that more than 300,000 are waiting for the swamped FBI to do dangerous-name checks (half of them waiting for more than 6 months), and these are the people who have already jumped through the other hoops to citizenship. One of the wait-listed has actually been here legally for 19 yrs.

Waco, Tex., pastor Henry Edgington may look like a fool to NOTW Daily readers [9-10-2007], with his "research" excuse for the locker full of child porn, but he’s got defenders, including one congregant who’s more concerned that an Edgington relative rudely broke into a private locker!

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Well, sir . . .

NOTW, The Blog
For you nerds seeking to hold Yr Editor to his 3-day rule, the L.A. Times story on carbon offsets originally appeared there on 9-1-2007 but was reprinted by the St. Petersburg Times on 9-9-2007. So there!

Newsrangers: Bruce Alter, Peter Hine, Karl Olson, Steve Miller, Ginger Katz
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.