Thursday, September 20, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
A British entrepreneur couple are selling canisters of stale-tobacco-smoke/ashtray fragrance to UK and Irish pubs, for customers who don’t relax well in clean air. (Well, maybe it’s not so clean, as some bar patrons do have problems with b.o. and even vomiting, which were masked in the old days by all that smoking.)

Civilization in Decline
It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner (cont’d): More than 200 inmates (including 33 killers) have been granted permission to purchase cars and drive, unsupervised, to their off-site employment, upon promising that they’ll return . . . . . Police in Lehigh County, Pa., not only enlisted an informant to wear a wire into a spa/brothel, but neglected to lay down limits to the, er, evidence-gathering (result: one hand job, three all-the-ways).

The Human Condition Today
Sounds Like a Joke: Reuters reported that a man in Germany, about to travel to Dubai, used two large sausages inside which to smuggle two dildos into the country . . . . . Dona Chepa, a 9-yr-old mare, just lost her 125th straight horse race, but what’s weird is the owner, like, isn’t it expensive to keep up a race horse? . . . . . A Washington state man was charged with stealing two backpacks from kids on a schoolbus because he had good intel that the kids were selling drugs from them, and by "good intel," I mean that his poodle, Peaches, told him . . . . . And speaking of the mentally challenged, South Carolina inmate Jonathan Riches filed a $3.5m lawsuit against Martha Stewart for defrauding him in a land deal, which is wholly separate from his previous lawsuits against President Bush, Tiger Woods, Barry Bonds, and Michael Vick (Bonus: Riches doesn’t want the money for himself, but wants to give it to Rachael Ray) . . . . . A woman rushed a sumo ring in Tokyo, maybe to protest tradition that prohibits any female cooties at all on the sacred ring, or—no, she just did it because she, too, is nuts . . . . . Once again, a choking motorist was saved when a collision thrust him against something (here, it was the air bag) that inadvertently applied a Heimlich-type deal.

Your Daily Loser
A rejected suitor in Evansville, Ind., wanted to talk some sense to the lady, and maybe the only way inside her house was through the chimney, but he got stuck (Bonus: WEHT-TV has the aftermath video, with the lady bomping the suitor twice with a garbage can and then throwing bottles at him).

The world-famous D.C. dry cleaners who beat the $67m lawsuit have decided to close down, anyway, even though their legal fees for subsequent appeals will be covered by contributions. But they’re just moving themselves back to another location in D.C. that they had opened earlier, so they'll still have the ability to lose your pants.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Here are the winners of the 2007 World Beard & Moustache Championships, and since most of these things require a great deal of maintenance, try to imagine the actual moment when any of them decided, "Y’know, this is what I’m going to spend my spare time and creative energy on for years to come." (Additional assumption: Obviously, they’re all already married.).

Newsrangers: Rae Augenstein, Chris Knisely, Steve Miller, Michael Cadwalader, Scott Langill
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.