Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
Convicted sex offender Paul Brunelle-Apley, 26, was arrested in Madison Township, Ohio, after he (according to police) tried to deliver conciliatory flowers and a teddy bear to his sweetheart (age 14) at school. She was apparently upset that he had been stepping out on her with another girl (age 15).

Civilization in Decline
Russia has tested a nuclear-grade (but clean) "mother of all bombs," no, wait, that name’s already taken . . "father of all bombs," which it is touting because of its environmental friendliness, i.e., its electronic shockwave merely evaporates everything nearby, with no messy radiation . . . . . British fertility expert Lord Robert Winston is coming along (within 2 yrs) with his clinic that will breed designer pigs with hearts, livers, and kidneys that are unlikely to be rejected in transplants to humans.

The Human Condition Today
The doctors studying the question of whether your kid is merely quirky or actually touched in the head came up with a 13-yr-old who’s obsessive about "baroque architecture" and another who reads Consumer Reports cover to cover twice daily . . . . . A naked man was spotted wearing a gas mask in Waltham, Mass. [Ed.: Maybe David Lynch is filming in the area?] . . . . . Seeing no alternatives, a 16-yr-old F Stater killed his parents so they’d stop being disappointed in him . . . . . A Geneva, N.Y., man apparently stole a car for the main purpose of driving down to turn himself in on a family court warrant . . . . . A suburban Detroit man, apparently good with his hands, was found dead next to his homemade guillotine . . . . . [Yr Editor does Jesse Jackson] "He IN-jected because he was RE-jected!" (A failed Cambodian suitor, still needing to be part of the lady’s life, figured out how to inject her with some of his own blood) . . . . . A recurring theme: Guy gets ticked off on the way to anger-management class and kicks butt (and actually hits one guy with his class materials).

Entry-level editor on duty at (Boise, Idaho): On a routine story about an attempted robbery at a massage parlor, the website included a helpful Google Map showing just exactly how the reader can get to the massage parlor . . . . . A Brut user who caught fire at an outdoor cooking pit sued the company for making an unreasonably dangerous product [Ed.: Only Brut users who wear it into elevators deserve to catch fire.]

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
A Dept. of Energy audit says the Los Alamos Nat’l Lab conducts partial check-ups on its nuclear materials from time to time but hasn’t made a comprehensive inventory in, er, 13 yrs.

One of those fool British "artists," Martin Creed, who won "the prestigious Turner Prize" in 2001 for "Work No. 227: The Lights Going On and Off" [NOTW 732, 2-17-2002], has brought the exhibit to Boston for a few days. (Among his other pieces: "Work No. 88: A sheet of A4 paper crumpled into a ball")

Professor Music’s Weird Links
A gallery of someone’s Etch-a-Sketch renderings of famous paintings and iconic figures! (Umm, because he can.)

NOTW, The Blog
Not Safe for Stomachs! Warning! I’m serious! Don't read any further! On the other hand, it was in the International Herald Tribune, in a story about how developing countries shun inexpensive morphine for their most-seriously suffering people: (By the way, Warning! Didn’t I tell you—Stop reading!) "But [Ms. Zainabu] Sesay [of Sierra Leone] is sick. She has breast cancer in a form that Western doctors rarely see anymore: The tumor has burst through her skin, looking like a putrid head of cauliflower weeping small amounts of blood at its edges." (I told you! Next time, you’ll do what I say.)

Newsrangers: Jim Olin, George Elyjiw, Ginger Katz, Sandy Trudeau, Jet Lacey.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.