Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
There was apparently a dust-up over Veet’s (the hair removal cream) attempt to engage a professor to calculate the celebrity women with the hottest struts, and it turns out that Veet rejected the science and picked its own, but the sciency part looked at such things as waist-hip ratio, thigh-calf ratio, leg shape, look of the skin, and hip-swing. Front-runner Angelina Jolie was found to have a good-enough waist-hip ratio but has the extra advantage of a slightly thicker waist, which gives her the "torso strength" to produce a better "angular swing" and "bounce to the hips" than wispier Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria. (But Veet picked Alba number one, anyway.)

Civilization in Decline
Fine Points of the Law: William Barnes, whose 20-yr sentence for attempted murder of Walter Barclay has already been served, was arrested on Sunday and charged with actual murder, after Barclay was downgraded, after 41 yrs, from coma to dead . . . . . Another Fine Point: The lawyer for convicted murderer Sean Gillis, whom Louisiana authorities are trying to execute but need an "aggravating circumstance" under state law, denied that his client also "robbed" his victim; he did cut off and take away some parts of the corpse, but since they lacked resale value, it wasn't robbery . . . . . It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner (cont’d): Because prisoners were well-behaved during a recent guards’ strike (on a pay issue) at a Nottinghamshire jail, the prisoners get a £2 bonus (and the guards get the status quo ante) . . . . . Someone posted news on the Internet last week that Japanese ninjas had challenged monks from China’s Shaolin Temple to fight and that the monks got whipped, and now a lawyer for the monks has demanded an apology from the news poster, either because the monks would never actually fight or because they do fight and woulda kicked the ninjas’ butts.

The Human Condition Today
From the Mansfield (Ohio) News Journal police blotter: "A 50-year-old man reported Sunday morning that a 29-year-old acquaintance has pressured him to have sex with her. When he refuses, she threatens to call the police" . . . . . Moment of Slapstick: An unidentified Home Depot shopper, trying to buy a prybar at a self-serve checkout, first had to endure a long wait in line and then apparently hit the "Spanish" button by accident and didn’t know how to reset, and given the item he was trying to buy, the checkout machine has ceased to exist.

Your Daily Loser
You’re just beggin’ for justice if you get caught lying in wait in the ceiling of a tanning salon and your name is Stephen Strange.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Human rights inspectors were doing a routine browsing of the closed-circuit TV in some British jail cells, and who do they spot in a vacant backroom cell but Insp. Brian Smith, choking the turkey.

NOTW Lite
British Archives papers just released show that MI5 tracked George Orwell pretty relentlessly over the years (in fact, using "draconian" means, or, maybe another kind of means).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Yr Editor presumes this is a legitimate site, taking credit card orders and such. It looks like the go-to place if you need to armor up your toddler for, y’know, shootouts at daycare.

NOTW, The Blog
Yesterday’s Google Groups e-mail machine apparently worked differently than it has in the past, and the post was sent out twice. I apologize on behalf of them. What’s supposed to happen is that when I "post," that’s what goes to the Group’s e-mail, but when I go back and "edit" that same post, it’s regarded as the same "post" and is not sent out again. Except yesterday. I’ll fix that . . . . . Something you didn’t know: Sex-crime offenders wind up back in the joint only at about half the frequency of offenders in on other charges (based on a large sample in Tennessee, matching an earlier large sample).

Newsrangers: Well, Prof. Music sent a news item, but the rest of the rangers enjoyed the U.S. Labor Day holiday
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.