Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Yr Editor knows that this week already has an abundance of wanking stories, but, still, this 26-yr-old man, picked up in a library at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, can’t be ignored. He was hot and heavy right there at a computer desk; plus "I do it all the time"; plus I didn’t intend to do it, but as I was downloading, "I got a little horny"; plus when approached by security officers, his response was, "I’m almost done. Can I finish?"

Civilization in Decline
Zhang Shaocang, a Chinese power company official now on trial, delivered a dramatic, four-page apology in court, except that it was basically word-for-word the apology delivered two weeks earlier by another corrupt official (and thus he fails the Groucho test, 7th item) . . . . . More from the inscrutable Far East: They’re grotesquely fattening up pigs in Taiwan, vying to have theirs chosen as the annual Pig of God (and immediately sacrificed), and Nepal Airlines just sacrificed two goats to appease the Hindu sky god so there’d be no more trouble with their 757s . . . . . You already knew this, but Univ. of Michigan researchers affirm: Generally, the more you repeat something demonstrably false, the more people will, over time, believe it . . . . . A state court of criminal appeals in Australia said it doesn’t matter that the judge was nodding off, and even snoring, during a drug-smuggling trial; the convicted defendants still got a fair hearing . . . . . Chutzpah! Though the Beaufort Gazette didn’t name the actual insurance company, one of them dropped coverage of Hilton Head resident Scott Richardson, who is also the director of the state Dept. of Insurance, which had tried to make nice with insurers’ weather concerns two months ago by allowing 35% rate increases . . . . . To the rest of us, a lot of the people who took out subprime mortgages might be sadly naive at money decisions, but to credit card companies, they are a pinpoint-targeted database of the reckless and/or dreamy-eyed and thus perfect clients for near-usurious credit cards!

The Human Condition Today
Yes, Dennis Saunders, 59, was convicted of secretly videotaping a woman and a girl, but still, he demands that his $10,000-plus collection of adult pornography that was confiscated be returned because it has nothing to do with his crime.

Sony is so smart that it has figured out how, through software, the impossible: how to make Japanese people always look happy . . . . . Rock Springs, S.C., is nearly out of water, which of course has a major impact on the town’s baptism industry.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The figures on FBI management of its DNA database since 2001: 34,000 perps’ DNAs have been added, resulting in 600 matches for subsequent crimes, but 156,000 records remain unprocessed, and the backlog is steadily growing. It’s not so bad being a criminal in 21st century America.

As several readers sharper than I quickly pointed out, the baby-armor Weird Link from yesterday is almost surely just Internet advertising for the Clive Owen movie, Shoot ‘Em Up. (Owen is scheduled tonight on Conan O’Brien’s show; maybe he’ll tell us.) Yr Editor will be submitting an advertising invoice to New Line Cinema. (On the other hand, the bulletproof backpacks for school [NOTW Daily, 8-13-2007] are quite real.) . . . . . Also, as several other readers sharper than I quickly pointed out, yesterday’s cop with a worse sex life than you (caught by a surveillance camera wanking in a vacant jail cell) answered for his indiscretion to his Assistant Deputy Commissioner, who is Ms. Cressida Dick.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
The fascinating Breatharian philosophy [NOTW 999, 3-25-2007; NOTW 861, 8-8-2004; NOTW 610, 10-15-1999] (which doesn’t square one bit with biology) at least holds its own, blogwise. If you want to read earnest discussions on how one can survive on air and sunlight and a minimum of anything else, scroll through.

Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Steve Dunn, Elijah Christman, Jessica Kaufmann-Fink
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.