Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Civilization in Decline
The Muslim Grand Mufti in Australia, referring to women who go around un-hijabbed: "If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street . . and the cats come and eat it . . whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat [sic]?" . . . . .The process of acquiring a driver’s license in South Africa, reports the NY Times today, has a little Fellini to it, a little Catch-22, mostly Kafka.

The Human Condition Today
The traffic-stopped Teresa Walker called the police station while an officer was writing her a ticket, complaining that he was taking too much time and that if he didn’t hurry it up, she’d shoot him (but she denies it, except that she used the incriminatory phrase, "I don’t remember" threatening to shoot him) . . . . . An Aussie political candidate flamed out when his nude self (and apparently ordinary-looking manhood) showed up on a gay porn website, and all he could think of to explain was, "[M]y political enemies might have drugged me" and "[T]hat’s not my penis" . . . . . Kids fight; school schedules counseling with respective parents, one kid’s father kills the other kid's father . . . . . Selling your home offers such dismal prospects these days that the ol’ "bury a St. Joseph in the yard" for good luck is almost standard practice ("I wasn’t sure if it would be disrespectful for me, a Jewish Buddhist, to co-opt the saint for my real-estate purposes," said one woman, but "[w]ell, could it hurt?"

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
One F-Stater to another in an ordinary Internet chat room, after their new friendship seemed to be going well: Say, what about if I drive down to see you, and we kill somebody, and have sex with the body? (Later: Never mind. I found somebody here. Wanna come help me?)

Readers’ Choice: The latest man to be shot by his dog is James Harris of Grinnell, Iowa . . . . . Recovering from the September Folsom Street Fair [see below], San Francisco was the scene Sunday for the Cardboard Tube Fighting Championship [cardboard tubes being aka yard-long Ta-Doot-Ta-Dooo cylinders], where contestants whomp each other until such time as your tube breaks, and you’re out.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
The chairman of the Consumer Product Safety Comm’n told Congress, No, thanks, don’t need more money; don’t need more staff; consumers are safe enough right now (and in fact, if you raise the amount of damages we can assess for unsafe products, more people will start complaining about unsafeness, and we won’t be able to do our job) (Seriously) . . . . . A special Texas state commission on reports submitted a 668-page report, after 18 months of surveying gov’t reports, and found about 400 reports, including many reports that all would agree are useless reports, and that’s not just the reports that no longer have anything to report or reports required of agencies that no longer exist yet must still report.

The Sultan of Brunei’s legendary feud with playboy brother Jefri (who famously owned a huge yacht called Tits and two dinghies, Nipple 1 and Nipple 2 [NOTW 637, 4-21-2000] [NOTW 717, 11-4-2001]) continues in London (which administers Brunei’s courts): In an accounting, the Sultan says he spent £1.26m on a badminton tutor, and £5.86m each on his five public relations babes . . . . . Robert Shields, one of the most fascinatingly bizarre people ever to grace a News of the Weird story, has passed away at age 89. From NOTW 435, 6-7-1996:

According to a Seattle Times feature in March, Robert Shields, 77, of Dayton, Wash., is the author of perhaps the longest personal diary in history--nearly 38 million words on paper stored in 81 cardboard boxes--covering his last 24 years in five-minute increments. Example: July 25, 1993, 7 a.m.: "I cleaned out the tub and scraped my feet with my fingernails to remove layers of dead skin." 7:05 a.m.: "Passed a large, firm stool, and a pint of urine. Used 5 sheets of paper."

Professor Music’s Weird Links
San Francisco’s annual Folsom Street Fair, highlighting Sodom on the Bay’s leather scene, came around this year on September 30, but here are some Not Safe For Work photos from the 2003-2006 Fairs. (Bonus: This selection is from the Catholic League’s website; try to imagine an already-disheartened Sam Brownback supporter peering at them.)

NOTW, The Blog
Pervs on Parade (today’s mugshots): the necrophiliac, the inflatable doll lover (from last week), the (beaten-down) rapist . . . . . Yr Editor will not post this coming Friday, Nov. 2, but will on Saturday, Nov. 3. Otherwise, the Mon-thru-Fri schedule will be in effect through the week of November 17, at least.

Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Mark Neunder, Joe Littrell, Scotty Schrier.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.