Monday, October 08, 2007

Monday’s 5-Star Special
Can’t Possibly Be True: Canada’s Mint assessed the city of Toronto C$47,680 [US$48,354—ouch!] for using the phrase "one cent" and a photograph of a penny in its political campaign to get voters to raise their taxes. Said a Mint spokesman, "They are registered trademarks of the Royal Canadian Mint."

Civilization in Decline
Leading Economic Indicators: (1) A new condominium under development on West 24th Street in New York City (units start at $6.75m) will have a special place in each unit for the owner to stash his bicyc—no, check that, stash his car, i.e., a garage in each apartment (with special elevator, obviously) (2) It’s good to be a blue-collar teenager: Apparently, Jessica Springsteen, 14, was almost the recipient of a horse worth $850,000 from her sweat-it-out-in-the-streets parents (or, so says this lawsuit) . . . . . More and more churches are so desperate for young fannies in the pews that they’re sucking them in with video game sessions, including Halo 3 ("thou shalt kill") (Said Tim, 12: "It’s just fun blowing people up") . . . . . A NY Times writer this morning points out a deadly discrepancy in SCOTUS policies: It only takes 4 justices to put a case on the docket for consideration, but it takes 5 for a stay of execution, even if the very issue raised by the stay has already been accepted onto the docket, i.e., you can be executed while the justices are preparing to decide the issue you raised (Seriously).

The Human Condition Today
And another meta-question examined by the NY Times: If a lot of people get fortune cookies that are downers, shouldn't the company check up on the guy writing the fortunes? . . . . . It looks like the key to Mother Teresa’s sainthood rests with a mineral deposit, er, an Indian priest’s kidney stone . . . . . In Houston, Tex., a deadly fight that started because one of the two men had really stinky feet . . . . . The prosecutor in Farmington, Mo., is sticking by his conclusion that if you push someone out of the way while dashing out the door with a shoplifted 52-cent donut, that’s a "strong-arm robbery" (and if you’ve already got a rap sheet, you’re looking at 30-to-life).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
A 51-yr-old Baptist minister in Montgomery, Ala., died alone and without foul play but was bound hand and foot and dressed in two rubberized suits, but the medical examiner cautioned the public not to engage in speculation until his investigation was complete [Ed.: You heard him! Cut that out! No speculation!]

Yeah, it’s all over the news: A defendant in Indianapolis did have his charges dismissed after he dropped down and gave the prosecutor 50 pushups, but there was less to that than meets the eye . . . . . The St. Petersburg Times managed to locate a retired, 78-yr-old black man in central Florida who is a proud historian of, and true believer in, the Confederate States of America (to the reporter, "You’ve never seen nothing like me, have you?" and "Black is nothing other than a darker shade of rebel gray") . . . . . Wonderful mixture of words and images, from an F State lawsuit: A woman sued a club called the . . Coco . . Bongo . . because a . . disco ball . . fell on her . . head.

The Virginia schoolteacher-artist (who paints not with a brush but by smearing paint on his cheeks and wiggling around) ("I’m certainly proud of my ass-painting") [NOTW 989, 1-21-2007] has, predictably, sued for his firing, in that he swears that he made great efforts to keep his avocation away from his students.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

This story, which appeared in NOTW M025, 9-30-2007, appears to be way wrong, based entirely on a piece in London’s Daily Telegraph, 8-31-2007:

Oral-B’s Triumph SmartGuide toothbrush, available in the UK for the equivalent of about $280, uses navigation technology to transmit the exact location of the toothbrush to a base unit so that the user can see which areas in his mouth the brush might have missed. The wireless LCD mouth display can be mounted on a mirror or held in the free hand.
Thanks to reader-engineer Jim Furman, who surmises that the Daily Telegraph reporter merely looked at the promotional photos and jumped to the conclusion that "navigation technology" was involved. Nope. The toothbrush does not track the inside of your mouth; it merely reminds you that your mouth can be thought of as four quadrants, upper-left, upper-right, lower-left, lower-right, and that it’s time to move on to another quadrant. And it doesn’t cost £140 ($280), either; it sells for $150. Ouch.

Newsrangers: Matt Mirapaul, Bob Pert, Joe Pat Clayton, H.Thompson, Joe Littrell
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.