Thursday, October 11, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
Well . . . not really a busy day . . .

Civilization in Decline
Here in Weird Central, a sheriff’s deputy (or his machine) botched a field test for methamphetamine, resulting in a woman’s sitting in jail for 50 days before they finally realized the substance was what she told them it was: cat urine (for her son’s science project) . . . . . The Russian chessboard murderer Alexander Pichushkin turned sentimental: "A first killing is like your first love. You never forget it."

The Human Condition Today
In the current Kansas City trial for that 2004 womb-robbery, it looks once again like it was one woman’s compulsion to have a baby (though she couldn’t) that caused her to slice one out of another’s belly, but the womb-robber’s husband testified that he didn’t think it was strange that day when the wife called and said, Uh, dear, I’ve had the baby, and I’m fine, and I’ll meet you with it in the parking lot of Long John Silver’s . . . . . More alert than that hubby were the tellers at a St. Paul, Minn., credit union, who ratted out an employee of the city’s parking meter department when he kept depositing hundreds of dollars in coins into his account . . . . . Sound sleeper: Pedro Brito, 26, fell asleep while driving his truck and failed to awaken even when a cop jumped on the running board and tried to stop it . . . . . When a lawyer describes his client this way ("never intended to kill," "just wanted to scare," "just someone who can’t control his rage real well"), you know he’s a monster (He allegedly doused his ex-girlfriend in gasoline and lit her up, along with her kids).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Mr. Klutzo the Clown, of Springfield, Ill., said the reason he had all those photos of nekkid boys on his computer when he returned from "entertaining" the kids at a Philippines orphanage, was to demonstrate to people back home how poor they are (They can't even afford clothes!). (His wife and entertainment partner, Smilee the Clown, almost immediately filed for divorce.)

Guinness Book fever: He’s blessed with the world’s longest leg hair (4.88 inches), to which he applies conditioner to keep it in shape.

The Mexican marathoner from yesterday denied that he cheated in Berlin (Why, he never intended to run the entire race, he said!) (even though he might have failed to mention that fact when he posted the fastest time in his age group) . . . . . Remember the "best friend" of Hulk Hogan’s son (who was in the front seat when Little Hulk smashed up his car [NOTW Daily, 8-28-2007])? The official prognosis is possibly a lifelong coma, with the best to hope for his being able to communicate by eye-blinks.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
Several commentors on the website of London’s Daily Mail doubt the bona fides of the story Yr Editor ran yesterday about the husband with a tattoo of his wife’s face on his back, pointing out that the couple appear to be quite jovial in photographs and that the "other man" was present in the same photo shoot with the divorcing couple. Yr Editor agrees that that’s somewhat fishy, but on the other hand, it was obvious in the original that the cuckold-husband initiated the story (the tattoo was on his back), rather than a reporter’s having outed him, so Yr Editor still gives the Daily Mail the benefit of the doubt . . . . . The following political news doesn’t quite fit NOTW, but Yr Editor wants you to be well-informed and ahead of the curve, and, left to your own prejudices, you would underregard news from National Enquirer. However, Yr Editor has been crusading on behalf of the Enquirer ever since it shockingly got mostly everything exactly right in its lurid O.J. Simpson stories in 1994 and 1995. So, as a public service to you prisoners of the mainstream, pseudo-highbrow news, Yr Editor informs you that, according to the Enquirer, John Edwards’s political career will soon be toast because of a recent hide-the-salami relationship.

Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Brian Bjolin
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.