Monday, November 19, 2007

Civilization in Decline
5,000 Christians have joined Hollywood Prayer Network, just to pray for troubled celebrities (one will be assigned to you, or you can pick, with Ms. Spears now getting the most heavenly incoming) . . . . . According to the lawyer for a 6-yr-old Minnesota girl who had her intestines sucked out through her rectum by a faulty wading pool drain, the drain company is somehow still in business despite three previous intestine-vacuuming incidents . . . . . The Washington Post (and partner CBS) said "hundreds" of defendants sit in prison today, convicted in part by "scientific" gun/bullet tests the FBI abandoned in 1995, and of course the poster child the newspaper used was a convicted double murderer named Lee Wayne Hunt . . . . . Americans get their nuclear-bomb launch-security knowledge from movies like Dr. Strangelove, with plotlines involving the Presidential aide who carries the "football" (ultra-secret launch codes), but it turns out that Great Britain didn’t upgrade to launch codes until, er, 1998 (and before then? triggers secured by bicycle locks) (Seriously) . . . . . Saudi judges initially (typically) punished the gang-rape victim with 90 lashes (because she was voluntarily in the company of a male non-relative, who was abducted with her by the seven rapists) with the rapists getting 1 to 5 yrs, but then her lawyers objected, and thankfully the judges came to their senses (er, the rapists were upped to 2 to 9 yrs), but they also retaliated against the victim for complaining, and now she gets 6 months in jail and 200 lashes.

The Human Condition Today
Typical house of squalor (cat, dog, pig feces; kids with insect bites) but with one h-u-u-u-u-uge exception: Mom is a babe! (Bonus: but part of her name is "jail") . . . . . The downside of being the world’s most Internet-savvy country: South Korea opened its first rehab "boot camp" for kids who are pathological webheads (with excellent outward-bound-type photo of the little urchins) . . . . . 29 adults and 4 kids are holed up in a big cave in Russia, awaiting the end o’ the world next May; they are disciples of a guy named Pyotr Kuznetsov, who is said to have mesmerized them with his eyes . . . . . Recurring Theme (with a plus): Dad, drunk, tells his 13-yr-old son to drive them home, but, in this case, the kid’s drunk, too . . . . . Jerome Felske got his job back with the city of Chicago, even after he was caught omitting 16 criminal convictions in his employment application, because, he said, he just forgot about ‘em (and the appeals board was sympathetic, since Felske did disclose the other 6 of his 22) . . . . . CBS News found 80-yr-old identical twins in Madison, Wis., who have done everything alike for, well, 80 yrs, including dress exactly the same every day of their lives (except that one day when they had different shoes) . . . . . Textbook publishers (led by industry giant Houghton Mifflin) submitted sample books for acceptance for public schools in Texas, and reviewers found a total of 109,263 errors, but no problem, y’all just fix ‘em . . . . . A libertarian activist group with a wild hair about the Federal Reserve got raided, and federal agents confiscated two tons of copper coins featuring a likeness (unauthorized) of presidential candidate Ron Paul . . . . . One week, a NYC restaurant gets major props for introducing a $25,000 chocolate sundae (with gold flakes and utensil); next week, shut down by health inspectors (live mouse, droppings, fruit flies, 100 cockroaches).

[article in Science] "Scientists Build Robotic Bugs that Infiltrate, Influence Cockroach Society" . . . . . If you ever, ever, in a million years, have occasion to believe that you’re smart, think of Alexis Lemaire, who just figured out which 16-digit number, multiplied by itself 13 times, would equal the 200-digit random number assigned to him, and did I mention, he did this in his head, in 77 seconds . . . . . Tennessee authorities seized 2,400 unlicensed bottles of Jack Daniel’s last month (some bottled almost 100 yrs ago), and state law says some, or all, will have to be poured out!

Good Enough for Gov’t Work
Army Corps of Engineers reassured Lakeview residents of N’awlins that its long-heralded, just-completed gate and levee repairs would reduce the Katrina water level by 5½ feet if another one hit—oops, no, make that, er, reduce it 6 inches (because, it turns out, in one calculation, someone put a "-" when there should have been a "+"), i.e., two yrs, millions of dollars, same old same old.

The F State’s own restroom toe-tapper, Rep. Bob Allen [NOTW Daily, 7-13-2007, 8-4-2007, 8-24-2007], resigned after his conviction, but he’s still in big-time denial, and a couple of counties below him, in Stuart, Fla., officials want to introduce talking surveillance cameras for its beaches to yell at the toe-tappers when they take their action out of the restrooms, down to the sand . . . . . Scotland’s bicycle-sex case [NOTW Daily, 11-6-2007, 10-31-2007] has drawn the same world criticism as Yr Editor leveled at it, namely, what business is it of the gov’t if a guy is humping his bicycle behind locked doors in his own (temporary) room? And then, on Saturday, came news out of Canada: A guy was arrested after he was found drunk, pants down, sprawled out, next to an obviously-abused stuffed toy dog (even though he was charged only with breaking into the house he stole it from) (but, on the other hand, a Winnipeg shrink told the Winnipeg Sun reporter that there are such things as furries, even though there’s no reason to believe this perp was anything other than drunk ‘n’ horny).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
(1) Erroror: Oops, in this week’s News of the Weird [NOTW M032, 11-18-2007], the mythical chupacabra should be a goat-sucker, not a blood-sucking goat. (Fortunately, there are many chupacabra fans out there, as well as Spanish-speakers, i.e., chupa [suck], cabra [goat].) (2) Here’s how Britain’s News of the World gets some of its news: First, a legit story hits, in this case a journal article on "persistent genital arousal disorder" which causes women to have multiple orgasms that are next to useless, pleasure-wise, and then News of the World miraculously finds and interviews a "survivor" of the malady who happens to be a hottie who explains what a hard life she is forced to endure with her tragic illness. (3) Today’s NOTW Daily post is, obviously, long, in that I missed the last one on Friday. In addition, I scheduled myself to return to full-time posting seriousness today, and, by golly, I did that! And tomorrow, too. And Wednesday, too. But then I’m taking off for the Thanksgiving holidays until Monday, November 26th. But I’m all serious again, yessiree!

Newsrangers: Joseph Meehan, Mark Neunder, Pete Randall, Bob Pert, Joe Littrell, Steve Miller, Ted Cushman, Karl Olson, Phil Daley, Jenny Beatty, Emory Kimbrough, Ginger Katz
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.