Civilization in Decline
Woo! "Fires During Surgeries a Bigger Risk Than Thought" reported the Boston Globe, especially in Pennsylvania (28 per yr) and Massachusetts (at least 6 per yr), with the main cause, apparently, those cauterizing thingees, used too soon after alcohol-swabbing . . . . . The mayor-elect of Lorain, Ohio (pop. 68,000) announced that the new temporary director overseeing the police department would be, er, a 21-yr-old Heidelberg College student now interning at city hall . . . . . Japanese researchers said they genetically removed the neurological connector between a mouse’s nose and brain that causes it to get scared when it smells a cat [Ed.: Undisclosed, though, is how tedious this research must be, in that the subjects obviously get quickly eaten] . . . . . No more camel beauty contests in Saudi Arabia, as they've been fatwa-ed out, sorta because they inspire pride of ownership, when camels are really just tools from God.
The Human Condition Today
Yr Editor has had it wrong, thinking that a Pentecostal’s getting bitten handling snakes was a sign from God, and sayonara, but, no, it turns out from this lawsuit that the hospital has a duty to override God’s will and save their pious selves . . . . . I also had it wrong that cults recruit members by wearing them down, because apparently a door-to-door magazine-sales cult was able to convince this 21-yr-old woman in Anchorage, Alaska, to join them within minutes, and now she tells mom she’s as happy as she can be, in Bakersfield, Calif. . . . . . At a St. Louis Cardinals’ home game, with their scoreboard that flashes fans’ text messages, someone wrote A.B. has an S.T.D., and one Miss A.B. was harassed in school over it, so she’s suing the prankster, wait, no, she’s not; she’s suing the Cardinals. . . . . . In reporting one of those instantaneous wood-chipper deaths, the L.A. Times found that 31 people died disrespecting wood chippers between 1992 and 2002.
Your Daily Loser
A 45-yr-old convicted molester of his 5-yr-old daughter in Edmonton, Alberta, did his own version of penitence in a letter to her, apologizing for not saying no when she kept initiating things in the bedroom and the shower, demanding answers to questions like about women’s orgasms. "I didn’t want you hating daddy because I wouldn’t tell you what you wanted to know."
Oops! Mom hired a dance-a-gram service to serenade her son, 16, during his high school drama class, as good clean fun, but through a "booking error," the service sent a stripper instead of the requested gorilla; the teacher stood by stewing for a couple of minutes, but then, "That’s it, That’s enough."
Wesley Snipes goes on trial for tax fraud in January (he fell for one of those airheaded income tax schemes and then also failed to file for 6 straight yrs [NOTW Daily, 10-20-2006]), in one of the more cracker-filled counties in the F State, but it’s no "hotbed of Klan activity" as his lawyer claimed in trying to get the trial moved to New York City . . . . . Keeping you up to date on ovulation research: A Canadian team found that the sexiness of a woman’s walk does not indicate her state of fertility, which is fair enough, but the team did this by "dress[ing] female volunteers in suits which had light reflectors placed on the joints and limbs and filmed them walking in order to analyze their gait," wrote Agence France Presse. (This is an "update" because of a previous story on judging sexy walks [NOTW M027, 10-14-2007] and because of this recent research, indicating that lap dancers get wilder at that time of the month.)
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Here’s a report (with photos) on a Russian guy with pretty severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, manifested by his need to jot down his extensive thoughts about something or other, using any flat surface he encounters.
NOTW, The Blog
(1) In September, an F State parent wrote to the local sheriff that students were huffing a concoction of fermented doo-doo and pee-pee to get high, and the sheriff went into panic mode and issued an advisory, and the story made the wires. Turns out that some meth-deprived Third Worlders do actually huff that stuff (NOTW has reported it) and have given it a name ("jenkem"), but Snopes.com doubts that it’s coming to America, except in the mind of that F State parent. (2) Errorores: Apparently the Jerusalem Post got some things wrong with the story Yr Editor used yesterday on the poor translations. A comment on the site says (a) the faulting translation program was "Babylon," not "Babelfish.com"; (b) it was not a delegation of journalists headed for the Netherlands but just one; and (c) some Hebrew was miswritten, like, y’know, it was reported as ishkabbbl when it was really lktoosnibr, so something like that. [Go to the link, above, and read the Talkbacks at the end of the story] (3) Reminder: Saturday posts will be returning soon but just not in the next three Saturdays.
Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Steve Passen, Karl Olson, Joe Littrell. Paul Di Filippo, Michelle Jensen, Paul Music
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.