Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
In Yr Editor’s professional opinion [this is "Pro Edition"], not enough to choose from today.

Civilization in Decline
Mostly, in modern society, when God speaks, it’s in pithy philosophical homilies, but last week He turned into a regular chatterbox with Oral Roberts University president Richard Roberts [NOTW Daily, 10-16-2007, 10-6-2007], telling the embattled Roberts that he shouldn’t stay on and fight to clear his righteous name but should turn tail and run away, and even though his critics had sued him, God told Roberts not to countersue. Said the Lord (according to Roberts, who quoted Him to an AP reporter): "We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit [against you, brother Richard] . . . is about intimidation, blackmail, and extortion." God also promised to do something "supernatural" for the university if Roberts stepped down (y'know, as if God needed to sweeten a pot to get people to do what He wants).

The Human Condition Today
Near Seattle, a 14-yr-old kid died of leukemia after he rejected life-prolonging blood transfusions because of course he is—was—a serious Jehovah’s Witness (even though his parents and most of the people who loved him aren’t) . . . . . Poor reporting by the Arizona Republic: A naked woman, 25, not drunk, was found in bed in a strange apartment, and Phoenix’s main newspaper is clueless on details . . . . . Recurring Theme: the meticulous, prolific collector of child porn (50,000 35mm slides, 100 8mm films) (but he’s dead) . . . . . Donald Reidnauer (Sr.), 56, called police after getting hit by a BB, but he was none too happy to see them: "Get in here and do your [omitted] jobs, you dumb [omitted]." "I pay taxes. I am your boss. Get in here and do your jobs or I’ll have to kick your [omitted]" . . . . . New from Japan: a robot dental patient for dentists to practice on but which also says "It hurts" . . . . . No Longer Weird But Still— . . This time it was a female perp who left her ID at the scene (i.e., her purse) . . . . . For a major Chilean charity’s fundraising campaign, a local prostitute auctioned off 27 hrs of "services" (Bonus: with hubba-hubba photo!) (Double Bonus: The fundraising chief, El Sábado Gigante’s Don Francisco, said it was OK!)

Your Daily Loser
Motorist Jennifer Carter, 34, was charged in rural Virginia with feloniously consigning her three urchins to the (locked) trunk, probably because her car was full of stuff, said a deputy. [Ed.: Now, this is a fine practical application of those IQ-test questions about whether the, y’know, triangle fits into the hexagon, stuff like that: Jennifer may not have realized that some of the stuff could have gone in the trunk, and then the kids could have fit into the space vacated by the stuff.]

Professor Music’s Weird Links
For those of you seriously interested in Hell as a destination, try this Daily Telegraph (London) slideshow of sorta-blasphemous Xmas gifts, including a Virgin Mary USB jump drive, a "Bible" you can hide your booze in, a template of the Virgin Mary that you can place over a slice of bread in the toaster oven to make eBay-ready slices, and of course the ever-popular Madonna-and-child thong [click Kitsch Christmas gifts].

Newsrangers: Carol Cavanaugh, Matt Mirapaul, Ken Berkun
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.