Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Can’t Possibly Be True: Spurred by news of British schoolkids’ obesity, special gyms open up for children, down to, well, 10-month-olds, no, down to 4-month-olds.

Civilization in Decline
British Airways, which currently has a major "green" advertising campaign, nonetheless flies empty on occasional cross-Atlantic flights (spewing "thousands of tons of CO2" each) [see also NOTW Daily, 3-13-2007, British Mediterranean Airways, but that was domestic flights only], probably so as not to lose landing slots at Heathrow and Gatwick, though BA denies that . . . . . You heard it here first: It’s all that heavy, repeated drinking by pregnant mothers that damages fetuses; binge-drinking from time to time, not so much . . . . . A municipal task force in Fort Collins, Colo., has recommended de-colorizing Christmas lights starting next yr (to white only) because, er, red and green are too religiousy . . . . . Whew! It’s not just America! Britain’s Home Secretary told Parliament there were probably 10,000 illegal immigrants working in gov’t-related security jobs.

The Human Condition Today
Recurring: Another of Taipei’s famed (now, 12-store chain) toilet-themed restaurants caught the attention of a Reuters stringer: no chairs (toilet seats only), no napkins (tp only), etc. [see also NOTW 907, 6-26-2005] . . . . . No, officer, I wasn’t soliciting that [undercover-cop] prostitute; I offered to pay her for sex because I’m doing research (and I am, seriously, a nationally known professor specializing in infectious diseases at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, with more than 145 professional papers on my résumé) . . . . . An F State man ran from police who wanted to question him about car break-ins in the area, but the area happened to be the Miccosukee Indian reservation, which is on the edge of the Everglades, and "Poncho," the gator, got him.

Your Daily Loser
A 16-yr-old kid broke in to a bank in Wyandotte, Mich., just to mess things up a bit with a hammer (and his bowels). He told cops he was bored and had taken four Xanaxes.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Sebastian Mancilla was arrested at a department store in Mesa, Ariz. From the Arizona Republic report on the security camera footage: "At one time Mancilla approached the woman from behind and laid down on the floor to look up her skirt. He then got back to his feet and continued to act as if he was shopping. He later knelt next to the woman, but got back to his feet when the woman began to walk away, according to Mesa police."

Arrested for allegedly embezzling $18k from her F State boss: Ms. Mary Crook . . . . . Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reports on the slowly-catching-on "fecal transplant" procedure (The superbug Clostridium difficile kills the "good" bacteria in your bowel, leaving the "bad" guys to give you hard-to-treat diarrhea-from-hell, so you get a healthy relative to donate a couple of stools [Miss Manners is silent on the best way to broach that subject], and a cocktail is administered via enema, presumably replenishing the "good" bacteria, which then clear out the C. difficile) . . . . . Wrong on several levels: A Columbus, Ohio, firefighter was charged with indecent exposure for unzipping in a park: (1) the female cop who "entrapped" him was topless [which is legal in Columbus] and had been lying out there every day; (2) he was in uniform, and they had chatted each other up, and she even had her foot on his shoulder; (3) the whole thing was captured on surveillance camera, but from afar, because the police dept. apparently can’t cough up money for a zoom lens, (4) nor audio, so it’s impossible to tell what she said right before he unzipped.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
As today’s post is already much too-toilet-related, Yr Editor might as well go for it, so try Cracked magazine’s "25 Most Baffling Toys from Around the World," with lots of inexplicable non-toilet stuff, but then, there’s the toy commode from Japan with projectile excrement.

NOTW, The Blog
(1) Erroror: Valentine, Neb., the home base of yesterday’s "Vaseline man," is hardly "near" Lincoln, as I wrote. (2) It’s two days too stale for NOTW Daily, but I was so thrilled to learn of a Tasering practice that’s even too rough for the F State: Three cops surround an unconscious man; he’s not a threat; he just won’t do as they say and get out of the car . . . Taser! (He was having a diabetic event. Sweet home, Alabama!)

Newsrangers: Sam Gaines, Harry Farkas, Ginger Katz, Bob Pert, Diane Gunnels-Rowley, Craig Helmer, Jack Brookman, Jerry Whittle, Gregory Lawhorn, Lance Rector
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.