Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
"Dede," 35, an Indonesian, is either a reject from an Alien movie or (according to U. of Maryland dermatology professor Anthony Gaspari) is the victim of unrestrained wart growth, resulting in [Ed.: And, of course, warning warning warning, Not Safe for Stomachs] root-like extensions from his hands and feet.
Civilization in Decline
[You never listen, do you, when I try to warn you about your stomach?] Can’t Possibly Be True: It says here that if the Army gives you a signing bonus, say, $30k for another two yrs, and you get your arms shot off by Iraqi insurgents after a yr and are thus not fit for duty, you have to give back $15k; seriously, it says that, though supposedly there’s legislation on the table to fix that . . . . . British doctors warn of a trend, a growing number, an imminent crisis . . ehh, they found three cases of besotted women who drank so much that they ruptured their bladders (but since binge-drinking appears here to stay, well . . .) . . . . . It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner: At the Wakefield maximum security lockup, guards now have to wear soft-soled shoes at night to avoid disturbing the delicate buttercups in their sleep—oh, wait, the shoes also allow the guards to sneak up on ‘em if they have to.
The Human Condition Today
Thousands of middle-class "investors" massed in Shenyang, China, demanding that the gov’t please get their money back for them from the outfit that promised big bucks if they’d raise ants for aphrodisiacs.
Headline (The Northwestern, of Oshkosh, Wis.): "Man Shoots Goat After Wife Wouldn’t Bring Him Beer" . . . . . It’s been a while now, but someone else has had the bright idea for a spray-on latex condom, to get around the one-size-fits-all problem, and he’s treating it as a novel idea, but it’s not, as Yr Editor reported in, er, 1996 [NOTW 454, 10-18-1996]: "At a trade fair in Vienna, Austria, in August, body-paint artist Karl Machhamer demonstrated his design for a skin-tight latex condom, custom-painted onto a penis. He plans to market bottles with enough paint for three applications, along with instructions, for about $8. The main drawback is the seven-minute wait while the paint dries." The new guy’s wait time, though, is 25 seconds.
Good Enough for Gov’t Work
New York City, on the throes of bankruptcy in the mid-70's, sold a 7-acre island in the East River for $10 to shed its upkeep, but just bought it back (it’s now teeming with wildlife) for, er, $2 million, which is a markup of . . my brain hurts.
The German cannibal Armin Meiwes [NOTW 834, 2-1-2004; NOTW 777, 12-29-2002; NOTW 867, 9-19-2004] has been elected leader of his prison’s Green Party discussion group and is said to be eating vegetarian . . . . . No Longer With Us: Klutzo the Clown, Springfield, Ill. [NOTW Daily, 10-11-2007], of a Taser shot, during his lockup on sex tourism charges . . . . . It wasn’t Scotland, just England, so when the 24-yr-old guy started to hump an iron fence in front of cops, they arrested him only for drunk ‘n’ disorderly, and didn’t try to put him on the sex-offender register [for background on the sheer danger to the country of humping inanimate objects, see discussion in NOTW Daily, 11-19-2007]. And here’s even more discussion of the sex-with-bicycle story, from BuzzFeed.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
One man’s list of the world’s 15 strangest holidays somehow doesn’t include the Japanese Tagata Jinja fertility festival in which crazed celebrants march while holding aloft huge schlongs, but there is Inazawa, Japan,’s Naked Festival (throngs gather to touch the designated naked person, who will thus them bring good luck) and the Redneck Games of Dublin, Ga. [NOTW M020, 8-26-2007].
NOTW, The Blog
Now, remember, though Yr Editor never stops working for you, there will be no posts until Monday . . . . . NOTW Editorial Advisor Harry Farkas announces the formation of SHMUCC (Save the Hedgefund Managers Undergoing Cash Crisis), for those managers who "face a bleak Xmas holiday" without bonuses (only, ewwww, "salaries"), having to send their kids "to a second-tier Swiss boarding school," consigning their mistresses to Toyota Corollas and having to pick their own Armani off the rack.
Newsrangers: Ken Berkun, Ginger Katz, Tom Barker, Scott Langill
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.