Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
[Ed.: Sorry, this is personal; you don’t need to revere this story as I do, but please bear with me; I’m helpless when I see these.] Charles Everson Jr. and his wife Linda were riding along near Manson, Wash., on Sunday when a flying 600-lb. cow landed on their minivan. (They were shaken up but not injured.) [Ed.: That’s it. That’s the story. Uh, well, how many of you have insurance against flying cows? If you’re a person of faith, did you pray this morning to be spared from flying cows? What could be more ominous, to test our resiliency as a presage to the Apocalypse, than to send in a wave of flying cows? I rest my case.]

Civilization in Decline
Lead in Chinese toys is for amateurs; a Chinese bead set toy (sold in Australia) contains a chemical that the body metabolizes into, er, the date-rape drug (GHB) . . . . . Oops! A convicted rapist was temporarily freed in 1991 after 2 months of a 20-yr-sentence, but Massachusetts then lost track of him until recently (including not realizing who he was while investigating two domestic abuse complaints several yrs ago), and now he argues that his "right," to serve an uninterrupted sentence, has been violated and that he should go free (Bonus: He won) . . . . . A Mascoutah (Ill.) Middle School girl got two days of detention for innocently hugging one of her friends bye-bye (two hugs, actually, therefore disqualifying her from a first-offender warning).

The Human Condition Today
Family Values: A boy, 13, took the family car for a ride by himself, crashed into a tree, and when police came, immediately gave up his dad as the driver . . . . . Washington state Rep. Jim Dunn remorsefully said he didn’t exactly recall what he said to the sexually-harassed woman but that, whatever it was, he was "sure it was very inappropriate, because I do that kind of thing" (with the probable subject matter being how his bulbous, slob-like self wanted to take her home and nail her) . . . . . Drug dealers, pussified: Two student dealers, holding a customer hostage after his pals skipped out with the stash, roughed up the guy to get him to give up his friends, beating him with a paddle, shaving off some of his hair, dousing him with urine, and burning his neck and shoulders with hot cookies straight from the oven (Seriously) . . . . . Recurring Theme: another one of those Japanese suicides, leaping off of a tall building, and inadvertently landing on someone (who survived) (Bonus: "It is common in Japan for people to remove their shoes [which she did] before committing suicide").

Your Daily Loser
Carl Dashaw, 45, was arrested in Anchorage because, while police were conducting a warranted search of his home for child porn, they learned that he was busy downloading even more child porn.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
According to the prosecutor, perp Albert McCausland, 61, on trial for indecent assault on an underage girl, laid professional seduction techniques on her, including showing her an air freshener that depicted a bare-breasted woman.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
More on the paranormal: Here’s a page (StopAbductions.com) of do-it-yourself on constructing a helmet that’s guaranteed to repel those irritating radio waves that the gov’t and various private citizens keep bombarding you with, especially the ones enticing you out from under the security of your covers. [Warning: Blocking out radio waves will also repel those beamed-in messages from Anna Kournikova, telling you how much she loves you.]

NOTW, The Blog
BBC News reported a granddaddy of a story on the world’s "dumb laws," a genre of which Yr Editor is always distrustful, since these compilations almost never, ever include citations or even evidence of serious research. Some may actually be laws on the books. I suspect, though, that most are of the "as told to" variety. Enjoy it if you will, but my guess is that you would be enjoying at least partly a work of fiction . . . . . The latest in cheap, breathless, nearly-scientifically-worthless news that’s guaranteed to grab readers of this day and time: Some guy has figured out how to make fuel as the by-product of the manufacture of chocolate, so, of course, go gorge yourself because it’s good for the planet.

Newsrangers: Gil Nelson, Philip Urban, Jerry Whittle, Paul Music, Emory Kimbrough, Mark Neunder, Jeannine Townsend, Jan Wolitzky
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.