Monday, December 31, 2007

A 26-yr-old man in Bremerton, Wash., got beat up last week by his girlfriend, who didn’t like it a bit when he brought his dog into the bathroom while the couple showered. She: If the dog stays, I go. He: Maybe my next girlfriend will appreciate the dog more, you [bad word not disclosed by AP]. She: [bam!] [pow!].


Civilization in Decline
The reason so many bad things are happening these days is because a big demon has taken over our souls, said the witch doc—no, wait, that was Pope Benedict, who will soon direct every diocese to have staff exorcists . . . . . The Recording Industry Ass’n of America has disclosed, in two legal proceedings so far, that it might go after someone who buys a CD and copies it onto his computer (Said the RIAA chief of litigation, copying a song you bought is "a nice way of saying ‘steals just one copy.’") . . . . . British gov’t offices send mixed signals on pussification: The Qualifications and Curriculum Authority urges that all students have unlimited time to finish their nat’l qualification tests, but on the other hand, the Dept. of Children, Schools, and Families recommended that pre-school attendants suppress their "natural instinct" and actually let boys play with toy guns . . . . . Here’s a medical insurance company story that will warm your heart . . if you’re a medical insurance company stockholder (Hannah Devane, 3, would soon die except for a special food formula that costs $1.2k/month, but the policy says clearly that the company doesn’t pay for "supplements").

The Human Condition Today
He was only "minimal[ly]" alcohol-stoked, so it might have been a lucid explanation for why he crashed into that light pole, and that lucid explanation was: "pterodactyl" . . . . . Accused of a burglary in South Brunswick, N.J.: a 9-yr-old boy and his wingman, 5 . . . . . Another perp, foiled by technology: The armed robber heard someone’s cell phone go off and screamed—screamed!—for the recipient not to answer it, but the loud scream set off the recipient’s Bluetooth, which connected the call, and the caller heard the robber screaming and notified police.

Your Daily Losers
It could be Jeremy Hart, 24, who allegedly burglarized a home in Topsham, Maine, and hopped in his car to get away, but it wouldn’t run because earlier he had jammed it into a snow bank, and so he got really cold and went back and knocked on the door to ask the victims (who were by now awake, after hearing Hart's initial getaway) if he could come in and get warm. Or it could be Ronald Stach, who camped out on the roof of a Baltimore bar to protest the football Ravens’ losing season, which got him a lot of publicity, which was bad in that he still owes his ex-wife over $40k in child support (Bonus: She caught him bragging on TV about how much money he was spending on Ravens memorabilia).

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Bakersfield, Calif., high school teacher Tom Adame was arrested after he allegedly offered "to trace his genitalia for two underage girls," according to local KERO-TV.


NOTW Lite
Last week, and tomorrow, are the two times a year that several hundred residents of Kirkwall, Scotland, play the town game of "Ba’," which could hardly be less complicated: People who live close to the sea ("Doonies") and people who live at the other end ("Uppies") gather in the town square, a ball is tossed to the center, and a couple hundred Doonies try to smush the ball to the "wall" at the other end, while a couple hundred Uppies try to smush it in the other direction, and people get hurt . . . . . "I know a lot about gas," said a renowned gastroenterologist, but "I really can’t treat anybody" because flatus is one of those "givens" in life.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Celebrity hairpieces for the toddler, especially The Bob [Marley] and The Donald [Trump]


NOTW, The Blog
From a year-end roundup of fashions: gold leggings by Nicolas Ghesquiére, at, er, $159k (and click "next" to see the Damien Hurst diamond skull, which sold for $122m). [link from Fark.com]

Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Joe Littrell, Paul Music, Harry Farkas
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.