Friday, December 07, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
Nope, no 5-stars today.

Civilization in Decline
Suspicions Confirmed: The BBC is spending the equivalent of about $1m to send 17,000 staff members through a two-hour seminar on how important it is to their audiences that they report true things and not untrue things (Seriously).

The Human Condition Today
Police bought the story that it was a 2-yr-old who pulled the trigger of the gun lying on a table, killing a man in Brunswick, Ga., even though it was obviously a 2-yr-old with perfect aim . . . . . Buffalo, N.Y., high school students raised $2k for the homeless with a sympathetic outdoor 18-degree night in boxes, but, well, it sure seems like a soft "outdoor" night . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: A musician, performing at a federal penitentiary in Florida, had his instruments stolen from his van . . . . . Baby Doctor: Virginia Beach pediatrician Margaret McIntyre thought she should be exempt from jury duty, went nuts on a clerk, was hauled before a judge, and went nuts on him . . . . . In Jackson County, Ga., a husband said he didn’t want to press charges against his wife, who had knocked him unconscious on Thanksgiving morning by hitting him with a potato . . . . . Fella named Gene Sehrt was charged in Milwaukee this week with disorderly conduct for harassing a public library employee, and he moved to dismiss with one of those "you can’t charge Gene Sehrt because I own the trademark to Gene Sehrt, and I didn’t give you permission to use it" defenses (Bonus: Sehrt is dean of the local paranoid community in Milwaukee; among other quirks, he has refused for several years to pick up over $600k waiting in a local bank in his name, ostensibly because he doesn’t want to confirm to IRS that he’s really Gene Sehrt). [Ed. note: According to the paranoids’ name-trademark theory, I now owe $2.5m ($500k/per) to Gene Sehrt . . D’Ohh! $3m now]

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
That would be an unidentified man in his 40s in Greater Manchester, England, and the thing for men to know is if they have an accident while copulating with a pipe, doctors know how to take care of that at the Royal Wigan Infirmary.

Updates
The 23-yr-old terrorist poet gal with a thing for beheadings [NOTW Daily, 11-12-2007] was given a suspended sentence because, after all, writing odes to blood-thirsty mujahadeen is just a thought crime . . . . . A scammer got 4 yrs in prison for convincing people that his "CIA agent" wife could get them medically diagnosed by passing satellites [NOTW M000, 4-1-2007] (Bonus: and convincing them that therapeutic drugs would be administered stealthily while they slept, by other agents) [Hey, it was Monroe, La.]

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

Newsrangers: Peter Smagorinsky, Joel Walz, Tom Barker, Matt Mirapaul, Cristina Taylor, Stefan Creaser
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.