Civilization in Decline
You might not have heard that the U.S. Air Force had grounded all 450 of its F-15s (because of a potential major structural problem), and if you hadn’t heard that, you wouldn’t have heard that, among the interim measures, our Alaskan NORAD alerts are being covered by Canada and the Hawaii alerts by, er, the Minnesota Nat’l Guard, but everything’s fine, nothing to see here, move along . . . . . A columnist for The Australian reported that "much" of the A$400m donated from Down Under for 2004 Indonesian tsunami victims went not to "relief" but to PC programs such as "gender justice" and trade-union encouragement . . . . . Another ridiculous blood-alcohol reading (.55), which means, apparently, either "man" is sharply progressing, evolution-wise, in ability to withstand booze, or the machines don’t work right . . . . . News You Can Use: It’s legal to shoplift at Whole Foods (or at least, if they catch you shoplifting, all you have to do is give the stuff back and be on your way, so it looks like a risk worth taking).
The Human Condition Today
A woman was arrested in Bremerton, Wash., for beating up her ex-boyfriend, and all he ever did that night was, well, get up in the middle of the night to pee and mistake that closet for the bathroom . . . . . Arrested in Springfield, Ill., for repeatedly groping two women: Mr. Larry L. Letcher [scroll down] . . . . . Firefighters in the F State’s redneck panhandle area said they are tired of all the recent 911 calls about "smoke" and that people should try to learn about this thing called "fog" . . . . . Also in that area: An 18-yr-old was arrested for cold-cocking a stranger-teenager who uttered the words "your daddy" in his own cell-phone call that the perp overheard; turns out the perp is "very temperamental" about his own father (who’s in prison) and "not at all sorry" that he punched the guy, even though he now knows the guy wasn’t talking about the perp’s dad . . . . . Also from the F State: Charles Sanchez was arrested on several charges after having recently moved his girlfriend down from Ohio, apparently by telling her that he’d protect her; she’d been having problems with her old boyfriend, and luckily, Sanchez was from Homeland Security (no, he wasn’t) and would place her in HS’s "witness protection program" (no, they don’t) . . . . . Chutzpah! Georgia Ann Newman, 36, was charged with battery on a police officer in the town of Dunbar, W.Va., because, when being led away by officers after her arrest for slapping a guy, she wiped her nose on the officer’s shirt.
People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Well, we could include this 28-yr-old guy, who got one lap dance after another (and one drink after another) at a strip club near Weird Central, and about 2 a.m., he slumped over dead. That would be a bad sex life, all right.
Beauty parlors are high on violent Sunni gangs’ sh*t list in Baghdad, but women can’t stop going ("[This salon has] never been empty, not through the Iraq-Iran war, the Gulf war, or this war. Women are women; they always want to look good") . . . . . A 77-yr-old Iowa man accidentally fell head-first into his septic tank opening on Monday, got stuck, and spent an hour kicking his legs around until his wife saw him and called for help.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Year-end is for many a time for reflection, and you and I may be dwelling on a few regrets for bad decisions made during 2007, but, hey, don’t let ‘em get you down: Imagine what this guy’s gonna go through if he ever comes to his senses. Safe For Work, But Not For Eyes. (The Odd News page on the website has some other, er, interesting stuff.)
NOTW, The Blog
(1) Erroror: Yr Editor’s parade of errors continues: Wednesday’s story from "Buckie, England" actually came from, er, "Buckie, Scotland" (and the importance of that distinction to the people of Scotland, by the way, could scarcely be overestimated).
(2) Probable Erroror: Reader Alexandra Dorival advises not to plan that pointed-ear surgery [NOTW Daily, 12-26-2007] just yet:
Your latest link, about the pointed ears, is probably a hoax. It's still a very weird link, but once you get to the pictures of past patients, you can see that there's no way their ears could have been made that way surgically. Their ears are bigger than they were before. The ears there are probably prosthetics, or someone Photoshopped the pictures. Here's a link to some real ear pointing. Suitable for stomachs, but lots of scarring. http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/Ear_Pointing(3) Here’s the lawsuit-ography of the prolific and delightful frivolous litigant Jonathan Lee Riches, who, as a guest of the South Carolina prison system, has plenty of time for same. In fact, his litigiousness is best appreciated as performance art. News of the Weird featured him twice but then gave up, as he pumped out his lawsuits much faster than I could keep up. [Link from Fark.com]
Newsrangers: Dan Drasher, Rick Ackman, Ken Berens, Justin Bera, Gregory Klosterman, Eli Christman, Tom Barker, Emory Kimbrough, Gerald Sacks, Jamie Anderson
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.