Thursday, December 13, 2007

Thursday’s 5-Star Special
South Koreans have out-innovated all our high-priced American political consultants: Supporters of the presidential front-runner, Lee Myung-Bak, are reported to have been secretly spraying a "slightly cloying scent" over campaign audiences and plan to release the same scent at the polls next week, to trigger autonomic voting. [Yr Editor is too lazy to research this today, but I’m pretty sure there’s a sound basis for thinking this will bring in a few votes, or at least work as well as most other campaign "tactics."]

Civilization in Decline
Wal-Mart has been selling panties with "Who Needs Credit Cards" on the front panel and "When You Have Santa" on the butt, in the juniors department (but no longer).

The Human Condition Today
The annual "wacky warning label" contest winners were announced: "Do not iron while wearing shirt" (for a shirt), "Caution: Safety goggles recommended" (for a letter-opener); "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents" . . . . . Christian and Muslim clerics agree (or at least one of each, in Australia, agree): Global Warming was caused by immorality and secularism . . . . . There must be more to the stories than the papers reported: (1) In West Valley City, Utah, police said a woman was beaten by her boyfriend and chained to a "motor" inside their apartment for nearly three weeks; (2) A Washington state man was arrested for allegedly punching away at his girlfriend in bed because he awoke believing that there was another man in the room (who might possibly exist) queuing up to have sex with her.

Your Daily Losers
Three guys from St. Cloud, Fla., drove up to the Big City, er, Gainesville, to rob the Capital City Bank. Three problems: They arrived, all full of energy and verve, 50 minutes after the bank closed for the day; plus, the 911 calls on the attempt were received during police shift-change (result: twice as many cops out looking for ‘em); plus, it was evening rush hour, especially on their road of choice for getting in and out of town. They're now toast.

Cutting-Edge Science: an explanation of why cow-tipping might work, yet baby-on-board-tipping, not so much . . . . . Corrective boots for elephants with foot pain (Bonus: The pain started, for one, following a maybe-Kama-Sutra-like sex accident).

Things That Seem Wrong
Once again, here are these ridiculous federal agriculture subsidies, which originated from the need to prevent the "family farm" from dying out, and which now go mainly to big corporations and people so rich that "incentive to farm" is a laughable concept. Yr Editor loved Green Acres, but c’mon, there are 500 Manhattan residents drawing these "incentives," including, er, David Rockefeller, who, thank God, I guess, was finally able to afford to trade in his old clunker of a car when the feds paid him that $29k (in 2005).

In July, NOTW visited the issue of a hospital’s denying a patient a donated kidney on the ground that it was a gift from a stranger, who is a follower of a small religious group (in other words, cult, specifically "Jesus Christians") [NOTW M016, 7-29-2007]. The Wall Street Journal is all over that this morning. However, the major question is still unanswered, as usual: Who is crazier, (a) the Founder, super-confident that the secret to life is to regard him as the prophet, or (b) anybody who hands over his life savings to such a "prophet"?

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
Errorors: Yr Editor is even more geography-challenged than he let on yesterday: The diamond mine park is near Murfreesboro, Arkansas, not Tennessee. (People who think I made that mistake on purpose, for irony, give me wa-a-a-ay too much credit, although I appreciate the compliment.) . . . . . Also, the first version of yesterday’s post (the one that went out by Google Groups mail) had a link wrong (since corrected). For those who get the Google Groups e-mail, the thing to do is check the web page, which is, which might have the correction already posted. I will not send a second Google Groups e-mail with any corrections, though—not because it’s any trouble to me, because it isn’t—but because my pledge to subscribers is not to load their e-mailbox with more than one message a day.

Newsrangers: Casey Burns, Mark Neunder, Roger Gulbransen, John Ellwood
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.