Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday’s 5-Star Special
There might have been one out there, but Yr Editor’s not all here today.

Civilization in Decline
Retired star pro athletes Jim Brown and Larry Johnson are endorsers of a new line of products pitched to the, er, "inner city," branded for wannabe thugs ("Thug Chips," "Atomic Dogg" drink) . . . . . A Russian website will introduce in February a software program that will make it easier for men to rip off women seeking online romance, by auto-dialog flirting with as many as 10 people at once (but it’s only available in Russian).

The Human Condition Today
A married woman intending to have an online romance got her mother, 71, to shoot the cuckold in the back of the head for her (but the caliber was so small that the bullet never penetrated the skull) (Bonus: When the cops cornered her, mom tried to take The Only Way Out, with the same gun, but again, the gun was too weak) (Double bonus: mug shots!) . . . . . "Just speed it up [Judge LaBuda] because you are really boring me," said Mr. Lance Majors, who was having the book thrown at him by LaBuda for yet another DUI on top of a long rap sheet . . . . . What Goes Around, Comes Around: If you brag too much around southern India about the powers you have in your "holy leg," somebody’s gonna get the bright idea to take the leg for himself (with a carving knife) . . . . . The (Al) Gore Effect at Australia’s annual Tunarama festival: They’ll start using carefully-crafted artificial tunas for the tuna-tossing contest.

Your Daily Loser
According to Minneapolis Star Tribune columnist Nick Coleman (who’s not the Loser), a local cop at the 2nd Police Precinct Station not only would not lift a finger to help a snowbound busload of seniors returning from a casino at midnight, even though it was right down the street (because, he said, it was the casino’s job, despite the fact that the casino was 30 miles away) but when the hardiest of the bus passengers then borrowed a police shovel to go dig the bus out herself, the cop wrote her up a citation. ["Gotta nip it! Nip it in the bud!"]

NOTW Lite
Damned awesome: A motorist drove off the 7th floor of a parking garage in Atlanta and got caught by the safety wires, but the car was completely dangling over the side, and emergency workers got him out! . . . . . The editor of Australia’s Canberra Times was in big trouble this week for publishing a photograph of outgoing prime minister John Howard chatting up Member of Parliament Maxine McKew, because she was seated, and short-skirted, in a position resembling Sharon Stone’s magic moment.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Here’s another evergreen for your reading pleasure. It’s a clearinghouse of news about items stuck up the wazoo, including the classic 1986 medical-journal inventory of items doctors have supposedly removed over the years. You can learn a lot from this. What Yr Editor learned was to never buy Mrs. Butterworth’s syrup, ever (though in the summary on this link, only "bottles" is listed).

NOTW, The Blog
One of the great stories that graced the first News of the Weird paperback in 1988 (by Yr Editor and John J. Kohut and Roland Sweet, and now out of print) was the saga of the Brit so afraid of being arrested for something or other that he hid mostly under the floorboards of his home for years (not emerging at all for over two yrs and then only very carefully after that). The man’s hometown news site WiganToday.net reprised the story today, in honor of that wimp John Darwin, who’s been all over the papers for two weeks now after being busted for faking his death. [Link from Fark.com]

Newsrangers: Mindy Cohen, Stephen Taylor, John Ellwood, Peter Brauer, Daniel Jensen, Ben Janis, Raul Stone-Cousley
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.