Saturday’s 5-Star Special
Can’t Possibly Be True: Last month at Seattle-Tacoma airport, an honor guard of Fort Lewis soldiers was set to accompany the remains of a fallen colleague back to his family in Virginia. After an elaborate, moving ceremony on the tarmac, the soldiers went into the terminal to board the plane, presented ID, and walked through the detectors, which then sounded, probably because of the metal in their dress greens. How to resolve this, if you’re the Transportation Security Administration screener on duty? Make the soldiers, right there in the terminal, strip down to t-shirts, shorts, and socks, to get wanded.
Civilization in Decline
Hershey released its new Ice Breakers Pacs of powdered candy, which are almost dead ringers for typical nickel packs of street drugs . . . . . Orlando hotelier Harris Rosen said he’s of a mind to sue hurricane forecaster William Gray, whose 2007 and 2006 forecasts, including mid-season "corrections," were way off the mark, with the result that Gray scared off "billions" of dollars of tourist money [Yr Editor’s boilerplate comment on weather computer models that miss the mark: Yeah, these month-to-month and year-to-year computer models are highly volatile; apparently, the only reliably accurate computer weather models are the 20-, 50-, and 100-year models that assure us that global warming will be apocalyptic, since the overwhelming consensus of scientists endorses those] . . . . . Freudian slip: One of those probably-multiculturally-sensitive school districts (Spokane, Wash.) left out "Christmas" in its December calendar of events (but Eid al-Adha, and even "Human Rights Day," whatever that is, were there) . . . . . In India, reports NPR, not only is there a particular caste that’s destined to be outdoor launderers, but apparently they must pay $8 a month to rent the rocks that they use to beat the laundry against.
The Human Condition Today
The Pat Robertson-founded Regent Univ. law school suspended Adam Kay for online-posting a cute photo of the founder with his bird finger inadvertently extended, and now Kay is suing . . . . . A judge in Japan overturned a bureaucratic decision and ruled that it was overwork that killed a Toyota worker in 2002 (up to 106 hrs/month overtime) . . . . . A Kentucky foster-care agency has been sued by a Pentecostal couple that got turned down to care for a kid because, well, the couple attends snake-handling services on Sundays . . . . . Michael Allard was charged with selling holiday decorations from a nearby store; he was caught setting them up in his yard with the store tags still on some of them.
Your Daily Losers
Augusta, Ga.: Not only did the three perps use a computer printer to make counterfeit $20s and $10s, but they had the onions to take the printer back to Target for a refund when they were done. However, they accidentally left a sheet of bills inside. (Bonus: They also left in their original, real $20) (Said a cop, "People get wrapped up in the crime, and they forget things.")
As was widely reported, Evel Knievel died yesterday of what for us would be natural causes; less widely reported was that Evel prepared for the end by reconciling, on Tuesday, with Kanye West.
Good Enough for Gov’t Work
In a fascinating political-sciency story yesterday, the New York Times laid out how some Medicare-supplying industries have made Congress their bitch, resulting in the gov’t’s way-overpaying them for supplies, and if Congress threatens to crack down, the companies tell their elderly customers that their evil Congressmen must want them to die (examples, $20 for an $11 walking cane, $8,280 for an oxygen machine and 3-yr supply [versus less than $4,000 at pharmacies], and, er, $450 for a $108 penis pump).
Chutzpah! Sudan may be a Third World country, but it has a First World sense of public-relations gamesmanship: A schoolteacher accedes to her class’s suggestion to name a teddy bear Mohammad, and the country (and parts of the Muslim world) go nuts, thus forming, for the time being, a total moral eclipse of the murder and ritual rape in Sudan’s Darfur region.
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This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.