Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Populist, good ol’ boy Jacob Zuma was just elected prez of the African Nat’l Congress, making him odds-on to be prez of South Africa, itself (Bonus: At his rape trial, at which he was acquitted, his defense was that, for Zulus like himself, to decline to have sex with a horny woman was as contemptuous of her as raping her, and, then, as to why he hadn’t used a condom with the HIV-positive woman, he said, ehhh, "I had a shower afterward").

Civilization in Decline
The Denver Post has rounded up the latest kitschy Jesus thingies ("Evangelical Christians are drawn to products that reinforce their religious values, and more so than other groups," said a marketer), such as Jesus bull-riding, surfing, and playing soccer; Jesus air-fresheners; Lord’s Prayer alarm clocks; and Grapes of Galilee wine . . . . . The headmaster of Cluny Primary in Buckie, England, apologized for preventing a 9-yr-old boy from attending his class’s Christmas party; the headmaster’s original analysis: Hey, his parents kept him out of the school’s religious education class, so . . ..

The Human Condition Today
An off-duty cop in Vancouver, Wash., is in big trouble because a butcher shop mis-seasoned his 4 lbs. of deer jerky (and the cop decided the only way to truly express his anger was with his sidearm) . . . . . Another one of those Iowa unemployment compensation cases, with the fire-ee losing, because she worked on her salacious novel while on duty (e.g., "She accepted the pizza and watched his tan surf shorts hug his ass as he walked away") . . . . . Georgia state and city employees charged $370k this yr on gov’t credit cards, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, including purchases involving colon-cleansing, Frank’s Gun Shop, NASCAR, Psycho Clown Tattoo, and the DragonCon geek meet . . . . . From a Seattle Times year-end wrap up of weird news from the world of, er, classical music: an oboist and a French horn player, acting out; a balcony brawl at the Boston Pops; a dispute over the right to call your orchestra "Really Terrible"; and the revelation that violinists are studs while tuba players, uh, aren’t.

A nationwide collection agency specializing in tormenting library patrons with overdue books, e.g., $2M/yr collected in NYC . . . . . North Dakota farmer Paul Smokov said his weather-forecasting is about "85 percent" accurate, despite substituting "analyzing pig spleens" for "Doppler radar."

Professor Music’s Weird Links
You’ve been putting it off long enough! Time to get serious about . . . surgery to . . . make your ears pointed. Waiting behind the rope to get into the club is so-o-o-o yesterday. If your ears are right, the night is right!

NOTW, The Blog
Erroror: In this week’s News of the Weird, Yr Editor unfortunately confused the name of a Wal-Mart employee with the White Rain hairspray-drinking perp, I sincerely apologize to Mr. Christopher White, who as far as I know, is a fine citizen with no substance-abuse issues. (A Correction will be appended to versions of the weekly NOTW beginning 12-30-2007.)

Newsrangers: Cindy Hildebrand, Sam Gaines, John Garner
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.