Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tuesday’s 5-Star Special
In what a biologist called "groundbreaking" research, a Kyoto Univ. team found that baby chimpanzees have better, quicker memories than humans (but only with numbers, so you still probably have nothing to fear from that chimp that you taunted at the zoo in ‘04 coming to look you up).

Civilization in Decline
The UK has stood with the US on the right to kidnap suspected terrorists in other countries, but then a US gov’t lawyer just told the Court of Appeal in London that the US even has the right to kidnap Brits, and Brits who are wanted not just for terrorism but for any crime ("You mean extradite them, don’t you, ol’ chap?") Uh, no, kidnap . . . . . The alternative to expensive in-vitro fertilization: sit in this ordinary armchair in a Naples apartment, and Saint Mary Frances of the Five Wounds of Jesus will fix you right up.

The Human Condition Today
Recurring: Sperm donors have to decide in writing, daddy or donor, because if you do even one "father"-type thing, you’re the father . . . . . Southport, N.Y., cops say William Hoover grabbed a gun and fired some shots at people because he was upset that they were making fun of his flatulence . . . . . Douglas Hoffman, 60, was convicted (and may do some actual hard time) for cutting down lots of mesquite trees in an expensive neighborhood south of Las Vegas so he’d have a better view of the Strip from his backyard . . . . . An out-of-stater in Salt Lake City got beaten up by a gang after he told the gang that Utah gangs aren’t as tough as gangs from where he’s from . . . . . All right, now, this link is Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For Home, Not Safe For Anything, don’t click it, but the story’s interesting because a Jehovah’s Witness, with the worst face disorder you’ve ever not seen, of course hasn’t been able to fix it because he might lose blood in the surgery, and then, as a JW, he’d be toast, but a doctor has convinced him that there’s a way to limit the bleeding, and so he’s set for surgery, but you don’t need to see it, honestly.

Your Daily Loser
Can’t leave well enough alone: In Clinton Township, Mich., a burglar was at work at 3:30 a.m. when the resident returned from a hunting trip and, after a confrontation, scared the burglar away. But, manhood challenged, the perp came back, with a gun. And wound up getting shot.

NOTW Lite
Not sure here: It says that a waitress, 27, in China was born with feet facing backward but that she’s fine with that and can outrun everyone she knows (but with very unconvincing photo) [And no, her name is not Wong Wei; it’s Wang Fang] . . . . . Victim of fatal gunshot in Greensboro, N.C.: a Mr. Thompson, specifically, Mr. Born God Supreme Thompson . . . . . What goes around, comes around: China (safe harbor for the world’s most aggressive thieves of U.S. trademarks) is outraged that Chinese people are pirating its gov’t-trademarked Olympics 2008 souvenirs, and is cracking down.

Things That Seem Wrong
The NY Times visits with Ryan Holle, 25, serving life without possibility of parole in the F State because he killed someone, well, he didn’t actually pull the trigger, and it wasn’t a planned killing, and actually, he had nothing to do with the killers except everyone arrived at the scene in Ryan’s car, and no, he wasn’t driving, and no, in fact, he wasn’t even there, but still: life without possibility of parole.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

NOTW, The Blog
As long-time readers have surely noticed, Yr Editor avoids political party labels on stories, and avoids "weird" elements that can be traced to partisan political-issue squabbles, not because I don’t appreciate the weirdness but because it would be too distracting to a large part of the audience. That’s because so many people these days wake up every day with the same, or stronger, sociopolitical biases as they’ve had for decades, and filter any "new" news that day into the same ol’ biased cubbyholes. As a college professor, I hated that habit by students and strived to break them of it. As a law student and lawyer, I was trained that you’re not in command of an issue until you can see the other side in its most favorable light, not as a caricature, which is how biased people typically see the other side. Hence, for example, U.S. Sen. Larry Craig has a problem, part personal (repeatedly lying) and part public (reserving sexual behavior for himself that he votes to deny to other people). Partisan Democrats might see psychosexual indiscretions as a Republican problem and would chide me for failing to note that Craig is a Republican. But I don't need the "Republican" label to write that story, just as I didn't need a "Democratic" label to marvel at a President who shot a wad in an intern’s mouth in the Oval Office while on the phone with a Senator discussing an Everglades reclamation project. So where am I going with this? I’m using "Republican" in this story from last week, and it’s delicious: The Republican party of Wisconsin’s Brown County has just disbanded because, after the chairman was arrested for (sexual) child-enticement, they can’t find any Republicans in the county willing to re-organize it just now.

Newsrangers: Marlene Evans, Mark Neunder, Eric Navestad, Paul Music, Scott Langill, Kathryn Wood, Joe Littrell
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.