Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Wednesday’s 5-Star Special
Ms. Veneta Popow is obviously a very sensible woman, since (according to what she told a reporter in 2006) she warned her adventurous husband not to go kite-surfing in the rough Long Island Sound in the dead of winter. (He wouldn’t listen, though, and consequently, he’s no longer with us.) But all of Mrs. Popow’s sense disappeared when she met up with lawyer Mario Biaggi, who has somehow convinced her that the whole thing was the fault of the city of Stratford, Conn., [LINK CORRECTED] because it didn’t put up do-not-kitesurf signs on the beach and didn’t have lifeguards on duty in January.


Civilization in Decline
What boys in London learn from Islamic terrorists: In a burqa, nobody knows that you’re up to no good . . . . . According to the late Det. Lennie Briscoe, the Rikers Island lockup is so awful that it humbles even NYC’s thuggiest, but not diva singer Foxy Brown, who’s serving a year for violating probation on an assault charge: She ain't takin’ nothin’ from nobody . . . . . Apparently there’s a sports club in Aberdeen, Scotland, that’s not much into restroom hygiene: This guy says he was accidentally locked in for four days . . . . . In your next trip to Ahmadabad, India, don’t miss lunch at the New Lucky Restaurant, which was built on top of a Muslim graveyard, with some of the tombstones preserved up through the floor (and decorated nicely each day with a flower).


The Human Condition Today
The lawyers’ rule of thumb for whether an accused criminal is insane or not is to wonder whether he’d have committed the same crime with a cop standing right beside him, and behold Anthony Williams, who doesn’t otherwise appear nuts except that when a motorist stopped and got out to ask a cop a question, Williams jumped in and zoomed past both of 'em . . . . . Yr Editor heard that things like this might work in Newfoundland, but this was Ontario: Cops infiltrated the clique of a suspected murderer and his friends, by posing as a black-magic priest and doing some stunts for them, and they bought it (and opened up for him) . . . . . The NY Times reported on the fraternity of men trying to fly without benefit of parachutes ("All of this is technically possible," said one probably-difficult-to-insure guy). As you would predict, the body wings they wear work pretty well in the air, but the problem is landing.

Your Daily Loser

A former county councilman from Daytona Beach was picked up on a DUI charge, but cops couldn’t cuff him until he’d finished drinking that bottle of suntan lotion.

NOTW Lite

Sounds Like a Groucho Joke: Researchers found that gay fruit flies are actually of whatever orientation they need to be in order to get 'em some . . . . . An admission from Yr (geography-challenged) Editor: total ignorance that there is a public park in Tennessee [CORRECTION: Arkansas] where you can dig for diamonds, and one guy just found the park’s number 1,000 . . . . . Former major-league pitcher Mark Littell is proud of his space-age "cup" (i.e., jewels protection), and his video, of a guy perched on a bench with legs spread taking a fast fall from a pitching machine, is making the Internet rounds.

Good Enough for Gov’t Work

This is from a Hillary Clinton stump speech (but it’s just been vetted as "true" by the St. Petersburg Times-Congressional Quarterly’s "PolitiFact" department): "A ham and cheese sandwich on one slice of bread is the responsibility of the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which inspects manufacturers daily, but a ham and cheese sandwich on two slices of bread is the responsibility of the Food and Drug Administration, which inspects manufacturers about once every five years."

Updates

That disgusting math genius Alexis Lemaire, who calculated the 13th root of a 200-digit random number, in his head, in 72.4 seconds [NOTW Daily, 11-19-2007] was showing off again: He did another one, in 70.2.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™


Newsrangers: Rob Hough, Bob Pert, Peter Timmins, John Brewer, Stefan Creaser, Mark Neunder
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2007 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.