Monday, January 21, 2008

Monday’s Weird Haul: Composing best-sellers by cellphone, Highway to holiness, "We’re going to Egypt!," The one-testicle dog, The facial-hair community, Congressional candidate pulls a Katie Couric (and more!).

Civilization in Decline
LAPD tacitly acknowledged that it was punked by Hector "Big Weasel" Marroquin, 51 (and father of "Little Weasel" Marroquin), who took $1.5m from the city over three yrs for getting gang members off the streets but was actually selling them guns on the side . . . . . Oh, great, now we’ve enabled him: Slick hunk-lawyer Gary Zerola, 36, beat one date-rape charge and, via his mouthpiece-brother got all arrogant about his victory; now it’s on to the other two date-rape charges . . . . . Fine Points of the Law: Daryl Atkins has been on Virginia’s death row for 10 yrs, but he’s off now because it was actually his partner who pulled the trigger in the murder, and apparently the prosecutor knew that all along but doctored the evidence; the triggerman’s lawyer knew about it but couldn’t reveal it because it would have subjected his own client to the death penalty (but now the Virginia Bar has OK’ed him to talk) . . . . . After a raid of cells at the National Penitentiary in Honduras, it turns out that some imprisoned gang members live better than you do (and with assault rifles, grenades, dynamite, etc.) [Wait, dynamite?] . . . . . Can’t Possibly Be True: Of Japan’s 10 best-selling novels last yr, 5 were originally composed on cell phones, and apparently the genre is huge, huge, I tell ya! (Seriously).

The Human Condition Today
Fresh Out of Meds: A Minnesota woman broke into a home and attacked the resident, screaming, "We’re going to Egypt, We’re going to Egypt" and, when the resident hit her back, said, "Give me more daddy, I like it, I like it" . . . . . If chapter 35 of Isaiah has a verse about a "Holy Way" for the righteous to travel on, it must mean that Interstate 35 is blessed, every mile from Duluth to Laredo . . . . . Speaking of which, this appears to be a dispute that only God can settle: California’s Catholic-affiliated Seton Medical Center said it won’t do M-to-F-tranny Charlene Hastings’s breast-enlargement surgery because God intended her to be a man, but Charlene said she honestly feels that "God has plans for me to have this surgery" . . . . . Houston, Tex., area Congressional candidate Dean Hrbacek got busted mailing out brochures with a full-length photo of himself when apparently neither the suit he’s wearing nor the slim body it’s on are his . . . . . A Wisconsin judge actually had to issue an order from the bench, that, pending trial, defendant Ronnie Ballard, 19, must take dumps only in toilets.

Your Daily Losers
(1) You’re not a good bank robber if you pick a bank that’s in the same building as the police station and if your wheel man has drained the getaway car's battery listening to the radio while you’re inside pulling the job. (2) A guy who’s been hanging around stupid people for so long that he thinks everybody will accept anything he says: Derrick "D Rock" Dale, 21, Destin, Fla., said he didn’t intentionally steal that woman’s purse, that the strap fell onto his foot, and when he turned around, it went with him, and the next thing he knew, the purse was in his hands!

NOTW Lite
A shoplifter at a Petland store in Alberta made off with a miniature Pincher but inadvertently picked a puppy that’s kinda easily identifiable (one testicle) . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: In West Jordan, Utah, a woman ducked into a closet to avoid a home-invasion gang, but when police arrived outside, one of the gang members tried to hide in the closet, too, inches away from her . . . . . Do-It-Yourself Punchline-Friendly: A New York woman is cured, through brain surgery, after suffering grand mal seizures nearly every time she listened to her favorite musician (her punchline: Sean Paul).

Updates
Last week’s NOTW [M040, 1-13-2008] mentioned Poland’s "lektors" who "dub" dialog from English and other movies and films, and how they all use their gruff male voices, even if the character is a young female. A reader, Andy, begs to set Yr Editor straight, though:

"Dubbing" is when all sound effects (that includes voices) of the TV program or the movie are dubbed, or done over, in another language. In this case you do not hear the original soundtrack of the movie or TV program. In Poland, the original soundtrack, including all voices, can be heard, and the lector . . . reads all the parts over the original voices. This way, you know who says what. This way, Paris Hilton does not sound like a Polish Johnny Cash because you can hear the original sound of Hilton’s voice . . .. I used to live in Poland for many years, and, let me tell you, it works like a dream.

Catching Up
[Ed.: good stories just past the three-day staleness rule]
[from the 1-9-2008 Centre Daily Times (State College, Pa.), only a briefer version available online, without the money quote, below, so you’ll just have to trust Yr Editor on this] Roy Chamberlin, 29, was charged on 1,100 criminal counts for raping a woman 200 times over the course of a year (using threats of force). He apparently would do it even when the victim’s son was home and her protests were audible:

After therapy, the husband told police he now recalls arriving home about 9 a.m. one day in June. He said he heard his wife inside yelling ‘get off me,’ ‘you’re hurting me,’ and ‘stop,’" according to the complaint. When the husband tried to get inside, he found a locked dead-bolt, to which he didn’t have a key, he said in court documents. So he pounded on the door. Chamberlin appeared "surprised and terrified" but left without incident, the husband told police. His wife was in the bedroom, "crying hysterically and trembling," he told police. But the husband said that when she wouldn’t say what happened, he didn’t push the matter due to her [recent] surgery, according to court documents.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
A place where men who practice "the bearded lifestype" can gather inspiration, including a "hall of shame" of men who tried it but gave up too fast: Whiskerino dot org!

NOTW, The Blog
Since it’s an F-State thing, here’s a quick summary of Week 1 of the Wesley Snipes tax-fraud trial: He played a whole deck of race cards about the redneck trial site "Ocala, Fla.," and then the crack federal court computer churned out a random jury pool of 80 whites, no blacks; he claimed he wasn’t even a resident of the F State (prosecutor: Uh, driver’s licenses, homestead exemption from property taxes, etc.); he claims he got suckered by a couple of guys (prosecution witnesses included big-time tax lawyers who quit Snipes or were fired because they wouldn’t go along with his scheme); an employee said Wesley got mad at her because she was filing her own withholding taxes after he told her not to take any out, in that all federal income tax is voluntary; he prays every day in front of the courthouse; any day now, the tax-resister yahoos will turn on him because he’s already cheesing out on whether his scheme was valid. [Go to Ocala.com and click the huge Wesley Snipes Trial banner at the top]

Newsrangers: Kathy Schulz, Mark Neunder, Linda Graham, H.Thompson, Larry Ellis Reed, Willis Mark (or maybe Mark Willis!), and finally, yes, still one more guy named Mark (Svevar).
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.