Wednesday, January 09, 2008

NYPD arrested David Dalaia and James O’Hare, who were trying to cash roommate Virgilio Cintron’s Social Security check at a Manhattan Pay-O-Matic store. Earlier, the store clerk had refused them, saying that he knew Cintron and that Cintron would have to come by in person. The rub: Cintron had just died (of natural causes). Dalaia and O’Hare put the body in an office chair and wheeled him down the street to the store (despite the body’s Bernie-like wobbling) and were set to push him inside (as if that would cinch the deal!) when a detective having lunch nearby got suspicious.

Civilization in Decline
Among the gadgets now playing at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas: the combination Taser/MP3 player . . . . . Beyond the hallway pass and the "Mary’s sick today" note: Officials at East High School (Denver, Colo.) have asked the school board to give new student-mothers four weeks’ maternity leave after they drop, as an excused absence from classes . . . . . Recurring: Three Illinois inmates filed a $2M lawsuit over the food, that the calories and nutritional value are "not up to par" [which Jim Romenesko said is also the case at his house!] . . . . . Apparently, Naples, Italy, handles its garbage about as well as the District of Columbia operates its school system (except for the part about the local Mafia); for more than 10 yrs now, they’re doing "emergencies" every yr because they won’t fix the problem . . . . . Countryside Financial got busted straight out when it tried to scam a bankruptcy client out of her money by claiming that it had sent her 3 letters advising something or other about her escrow fund (but neither she, nor anyone else, had ever seen the letters); it turns out that they "sent" copies to her lawyer at her address that the lawyer only later moved to (i.e., if you’re back-dating something, duh-uh, you have to use the address they were at at the time of the back-date!) (Bonus: Countryside denied fraud but said it was just, er, "re-creating" the letter it should have sent when it discovered the escrow mess).

The Human Condition Today
Arrested for DUI in Texas, crashing into a mailbox and a house: Mr. Bryan Moron . . . . . Federal judge Cormac Carney (Santa Ana, Calif.) denied a motion by Toshiba in a contract case, filed by the fancy firm of Morrison & Foerster, because it came in at 4:01 p.m. on a 4:00 p.m. deadline (even though "traffic" that day actually was indeed bad!).

Your Daily Loser
A 26-yr-old shoplifter, trying to smuggle knives in his clothes out of a store in Grand Rapids, Mich., got caught by guards and scuffled, and then was knocked down, falling directly upon various of his inventory and having to be hospitalized.

Through the miracle of satellite/cable TV, an Illinois couple winter-vacationing in the F State was able to watch, right there on TV (WGN), their home burn down . . . . . It got so cold last week in the F State [Ed.: wind-chill factors below their usual 60F!] [actually the temperature itself was below 30F in most of the state] that iguanas "froze" into their hibernation state, and wildlife people had a hard time convincing compassionate Floridians caring for the ice-cold critters that as soon as it warmed up a bit, the creatures would spring back to life ("When [the 5-ft-long iguana] it woke up, she couldn’t understand why [the iguana ingrate] seemed to be coming after her") . . . . . Turns out that surgeons have to squirt saline into your brain if you have a tapeworm-infested cyst because they can’t risk actually touching it since it might break, and the little wormies would kill you; the saline will force the cyst to bob up out of the skull, over into the surgical pan, theoretically [Is there video, you ask? Oh, yes] . . . . . This is the thing to do in Japan if you just had a kid but can’t take him around for all the relatives to see: You send them a small sack of rice that’s shaped to look and feel like the infant, with a photo attached, and the relatives cuddle and coo the sack, and then they eat the rice (Seriously).

Professor Music’s Weird Links
There's not a lot of call for sheet-music arrangements for tuba solos, much less for a concert tuba soloist himself, but if you need one, Oystein Baadsvik is your man.

NOTW, The Blog
(1) OK, it’s way-no-longer-weird, but still . . when a frisky retriever dog is so excited about being let out of a truck that he jumps onto the shotgun trigger, resulting in a fatal shot to his master’s femoral artery, well—. (2) NOTW provides solutions! Hugo Chavez told interviewer Naomi Campbell that he’s of a mind to pose shirtless ("Touch my muscles!"), which could be all that our friend Akinwale Arobieke needs in life (He’s the fella doing time in the UK for being unable to stop feeling up men’s muscles on the street [NOTW M036, 12-16-2007].) (3) Last week a Los Angeles Times dispatch from Beijing [Link from Obscure Store] lauded China Daily’s weird-news page ("China’s news of the weird"), with copious examples, including how welfare workers used puppets to demonstrate masturbation to the mentally disabled. "‘[P]sychologists said previous attempts at teaching the mentally disabled about masturbation had led to misunderstandings and even proved dangerous.’ [China Daily] did not elaborate." (4) Yr Editor can see by the Subject: lines of this morning’s unusually heavy e-mail that there are an awful lot of tips to stories that I had already written up by 5 a.m. Sorry not to have time to Newsranger you today.

Newsrangers: Randy Johnson, Perry Levin, Mindy Cohen, Emory Kimbrough, Mark Neunder
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.