Scott Gomez Jr. filed a lawsuit against Pueblo County, Colo., and all the jail guards for the way the county operates its lockup, from which Gomez twice escaped (once successfully, with the second one resulting in serious injuries when he fell off a 40-ft wall). Gomez’s claim: I told ‘em after the first time that they should’ve fixed that E-Z-Escape set-up, and they didn’t, so my injuries are their fault. And when I told the guards that, they beat me up. [Ed.: "Gomez. Talk to me!" (Is that anybody else's favorite TV show?)]
Civilization in Decline
The monkey problem in India (they breed, they move to cities, they’re untouchably holy) was proposed to be addressed in Himachal Pradesh state by hiring unemployed youth to catch ‘em and sterilize ‘em (and plenty of people are lining up, ready to marvel at the upcoming unintended consequences) . . . . . Sounds Like a Joke: Al Qaeda announced that it has just launched an Osama bin Laden Facebook page, Osama speeches for cell-phone downloading, and an Osama ringtone (Well, actually, only the middle one is true, but still—) . . . . . The Washington Post has a report on the recent scandal of guards sleeping in the "ready room" at a Pennsylvania nuke plant, but the laxness problem appears to extend way up to the honor-system-intensive Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
The Human Condition Today
A 54-yr-old man provoked a traffic accident in Boulder County, Colo., causing only minor injuries, but he nonetheless took The Only Way Out, with a gunshot . . . . . The death toll this year in Japan from eating New Year’s "mochi" rice (said to have the consistency of bubble gum) was at least 5, as it will be next year, and so on . . . . . A columnist for The Scotsman discovered some prim, demure ladies in Glasgow who used to be Molotov-cocktail-throwing gangbangers in their youth . . . . . Insufficient Time Watching Law and Order: Ellis Cleveland, picked up by police and informed that he was wanted for four bank robberies: "Four, I didn’t do four. I only robbed three banks. But it doesn’t matter because I’m not talking to you guys. I want a lawyer." (Bonus: Cleveland is apparently not counting the fourth only because his holdup note was unintelligible to several tellers, causing him to abort.)
The F State
Marjorie Kelley, 50, of Sarasota, called 911, with chest pains, but asked please, no lights, no siren; they came with lights and siren, and she jumped to her feet and chased paramedics down the street with a rolling pin . . . . . Child molester Frederick Fretz, 45, of Marion County, choked to death on a hot dog in a federal prison in California . . . . . And here’s Theresa Rochester, 24, Palm City, who concealed her dope so inadvertently-provocatively in her pants that the female deputy thought she was a man "glad to see her."
Your Daily Losers
(1) Relatives noticed that Geraldine Magda, 44, who had come to sit with their dying sister, 59, on her deathbed, was leaving just as the sister’s gold/diamond wedding ring went missing from her finger (and Magda had previously swiped jewelry from the family, they said) (Bonus: When the ring was found in Magda’s purse, she said she had no idea how it got there) . . . . . (2) A man was arrested in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., for allegedly shoplifting 42 items from a Family Dollar store, with the total haul worth an estimated, uh, $132—and he was charged with petit larceny, in fact, petty petit larceny.
People With Too Much Time: Geoffrey Roche and his son Alexandre, in Toronto, have launched websites Dogbook and Catbook, where a million dogs and a half million cats have created, so to speak, their own pages, with their likes and dislikes ("Her [Annabelle, a Toronto mutt] web profile says she likes to run, jump, and eat steak," which of course pretty much sums up the other 999,999 Dogbook profiles).
Things That Seem Wrong
Dallas, Tex., District Attorney Craig Watkins, to just-DNA-exonerated Charles Allen Chatman: "You are an example of how justice is supposed to work." Er, well, Chatman had actually been wasting away in prison for 27 yrs before justice worked.
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This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.