Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Things To Worry About On Wednesday
World’s plastic-surgery record threatened / How much do you really know about Ted Bundy? / The British problem is not so much teeth as ears / When I die, can I keep my brain? / What’s that got to do with the price of edible dirt in Haiti? / And more

Civilization in Decline
The economy’s so bad in Haiti that dirt is part of the menu ("cookies" of vegetable shortening, salt, and dirt), but now the price of dirt is rising (Seriously) . . . . . An outbreak of the lung fungus histoplasmosis has hit one company’s employees in Iowa after a reception at the governor's mansion (Bonus: They're employees of the American Lung Ass’n) . . . . . Rio’s Carnival is next week, and one organization is set to soberly remind people of the Holocaust, with a parade float carrying models of dead bodies, which will go over great in the midst of the drums and near-naked, dancing women . . . . . However, also in the parade will be fabulous babe Angela Bismarchi, fresh from her 42nd plastic surgery (nylon-wire implants around her eyes to appear Asian), leaving her five short of the world record by American Cindy Jackson (who has moved on to skincare products) . . . . . Now an "art project" but someday available on Amazon: Ryan Hobson’s Serial Killer Trivia Game, in which you march around the board as you accumulate the bodies of victims of Ted Bundy, et al, by answering questions about their crimes . . . . . A class-action lawsuit in Ohio asks the spiritual question, Is it any of my business whether I can bury my relative with his brain (even if doctors aren’t finished with it)? (Medical examiners’ position: Dude, nothing matters but the soul!) . . . . . It was a widely circulated "bizarre news" story yesterday, but Yr Editor said it was really about Britain’s Nat’l Health Service taking a big, big hit: The father of an 11-yr-old boy said he was "amazed" that his son had endured 9 yrs of partial deafness attributed to "doctors" diagnosing his problem as "ear wax," when all it was was a cotton bud stuck in his ear! Imagine that! How weird! [Ed.: We have "doctors" in the U.S. who not only take out ear wax, not leave it in, but can tell the difference between wax and cotton; furthermore, we have fathers in the U.S. who would have been much less "amazed" than "litigious."]

The Human Condition Today
A 16-yr-old girl is on trial in Britain for trying to kill her parents, and apparently she had set up a video camera and recorded the whole thing [Ed.: She’s a failed murderer, but what she really wants to do is to direct!] . . . . . Again! Again! A driver somehow, for some reason, wanders onto railroad tracks and can’t get off!

Your Daily Loser
In Durban, South Africa, Mr. Mthandani Nqetho stole something and made a run for it, leaping from a building, but landing with both feet on the sharp spikes of an iron fence, impaling himself; in excruciating pain, he freed one foot but he may have been stuck for as long as 12 hours (in clock time; more like "12 days" in Nqetho’s mind) before someone found him. (Note to file: Crime doesn’t pay.)

NOTW Lite
NY attorney-general Andrew Cuomo proposed to crack down on sex predators by forcing them to register their e-mail addresses so Facebook et al can deny them access [so I guess that takes care of that!] . . . . . A German travel agency set up a nude vacation trip, kicked off with a nude airline flight (pilot and flight attendants remain dressed) (But Agence France-Presse says in the old days, East Germans loved their nudism!) . . . . . Awesome: There is no better job in the world than this guy’s, dressed as a condom-encased schlong, wandering the beach in Chile, chatting up the ladies about HIV . . . . . Entry-level web editor on duty at Yahoo! News ‘cause that’s the only way this headline made it live.

Things That Seem Wrong
What are the major human rights problems in the world? Last week, the UN’s Human Rights Council held an emergency session to condemn something or other by Israel. It was the Council’s 13th session; 12 have been to condemn Israel. In fact, the 47 Council members include an array of human rights abusers such as China, Cuba, Russia, and Saudi Arabia, and an Arab-African coalition has blocked all attempts to go after any country other than Israel. (Bonus: all this info from a law student who's that one actual spawn of Woody and Mia.)

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe next time.™

Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Gerald Sacks, Perry Levin, Kathryn Wood, Cindy Hildebrand, Mark Neunder
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.