Wednesday's Weird Haul: He was a wonderful brother who just adored drinking and driving / Paper airplanes in space / But my boyfriend always leads me around on a leash / How else is a car thief supposed to get to court / General Butt Naked has an epiphany / And more!
Civilization in Decline
When a Minnesota hospital group decided to purge its facilities of all the gifts Big Pharma had bestowed over the yrs [Gee, wonder if Big Pharma ever expected anything in return?], the total was 18,718 (which are now headed for charities) (and a Big Pharma rep was appalled that "a lot of cynics . . want to think the worst" [but didn’t mention Yr Ed by name]) . . . . . Fine Points of the Law: 1996, pacemaker developer pledges $1.5m to Illinois’s Rush University Medical Center; 2005, Rush doctors misdiagnose the donor’s spreading cancer, donor naturally gets pissed and revokes the pledge; 2006, he dies; and Rush just as naturally says, OK, now he’s dead, where’s our $1.5m; Illinois court system to family: Pay up! . . . . . Can’t Possibly Be True (except there are photos): China’s Badaltearing Safari Park raises money by letting visitors, on a platform, buy friendly, pattable goats so they can, a few minutes later, toss them off to the gaggle of hungry lions below (seriously) . . . . . Broward County, Fla., residents are up in arms over Waste Management’s petition to raise the height of their "Mount Trashmore" dump to 280 ft from the current 225 [which is a mild firestorm compared to when Virginia Beach, which has the original Mount Trashmore, complains about name theft].
The Human Condition Today
It’s a "hate crime," she said, after a West Yorkshire bus driver kicked her and her goth boyfriend off just because he had her on a leash ("I’m [his] pet," she said) (You’re a "dog," the driver said) . . . . . A woman has stirred up the Denver area by eulogizing her brother, killed in the back seat of a DUI car ("The thing that really makes me feel much better about this is [my brother and his two friends] died doing what they loved to do . . drinking [and] going fast . ..") . . . . . Reading makes a comeback! (in that Louise Jekowski, 53, said she was looking forward to reading a lot of books in prison after killing her mom) [Bonus: Uniquely, for a contemporary perp, she admitted she is "a bad person"] . . . . . Oh, wait, reading just took a hit (in that a Galveston, Tex., resident’s house went kablooey after he set off six bug foggers without reading the label about "pilot lights") . . . . . Of course! You need to get to your court-ordered training class on time (a condition of release on stolen-car charges), and you can’t walk there (it’s ice-cold Winnipeg in January), so naturally you steal some more wheels . . . . . Another case of a jilted lover getting his revenge by passing around a sex tape of his ex- (Bonus: She was having sex with a dog).
A Japanese engineering professor is designing an 8-inch-long paper airplane (silicone-saturated paper) to be launched toward Earth from the Int’l Space Station, and owing to the size, it stands a chance of not burning up on descent (and owing to size, it stands a chance of never being found if it lands) . . . . . There was a run on banks yesterday, but not widely reported because it was a run on banks in the virtual world of Second Life, where libertarians are learning the hard way that maybe a little bit of gov’t regulation isn’t a bad thing . . . . . A civic success program in Oakfield Township, Mich.: Neighbors swiped Jean Mansel’s Jesus yard statue until she agreed to the ransom, which is a promise to start picking up after her dog around the ‘hood.
Joshua Milton Blahyl, forever renowned as Liberia’s Gen. Butt Naked (for leading his warriors into battle wearing only boots, while his soldiers wore wigs and gowns), who admits responsibility for killing 20,000 during the country’s civil war in the 1980s and 1990s, now says, er, Sorry ‘bout that, and what we need now is forgiveness and reconciliation. Actually, by 1997, he had taken to dressing up in Sunday-go-to-meetin’ clothes and evangelizing [NOTW 498, 8-22-1997 ("He says his transformation occurred one day in 1996 when he was standing nude on the front lines waiting to kill some people, and God told him to stop.")].
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe next time.™
They robbed a restaurant but accidentally picked up a sack of bread instead of their loot! . . . . . Vietnamese woman traveled to Taiwan to look for her long-lost father and unknowingly wound up working for him! . . . . . A commercial cargo ship powered by a kite! . . . . . Authorities are now uncovering cases of revered clinicians for whom a disease was named but who had secret pasts that maybe involved inhumane Nazi experiments! . . . . . For the second edition in a row, the phone book covering Calvert, Md., says the governor’s office number goes to a phone-sex line! . . . . . The latest corpse to arise at his funeral and ask WTF’s going on (in Chile)! . . . . . An otherwise-diversity-minded school’s brochure cover photo is captioned, "Perfect for the [actual surname] White Family"! . . . . . A West Va. gas station employee was busted for discounting gas for her friends, from about, oh, $2.999, to $0.001!
Newsrangers: Steve Miller, Paul Music, Eric Gibbs, Emory Kimbrough, Steve Dunn, Jenny Beatty, Robert Osborne, Paul Di Filippo, Judi Rivers, Kathryn Wood, Bob Pert, Mary Durkin, Sam Gaines, Eli Christman.
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.