Friday, February 08, 2008

Things To Worry About On Friday
Cross-dressing traffic hazard / Komodos by immaculate conception / It’s good to be a British prisoner / Little Johnny thinks he’s really Little Mary / Jackie the Nose and pals, goin’ down / And more!

Civilization in Decline
They’re going nuts in Italy this very minute because a judge in Vicenza ignored a 12-yr max and sentenced a 34-yr-old construction worker to 4 months, for an affair with a 13-yr-old girl because the judge thinks there was "real love" and "tenderness" there (Bonus: Italy’s current amnesty for short sentences means the prison population will get no chance at all to welcome the lover boy) . . . . . The District of Calamity: Two three-ft-high computer servers with owner tags reading "Property of D.C. Office of Tax and Revenue" were found out back behind a Ruby Tuesday restaurant (and are being checked for personal tax information and for whether they’re evidence in that tax fraud case [NOTW M035, 12-8-2007; News of the Weird Daily, 11-8-2007, 11-13-2007]) . . . . . It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner (cont’d): Britain’s Universities Secretary said the gov’t will stop giving educational "support" grants (e.g., room and board expenses) to inmates taking classes, seein’ as how, y’know, room and board are already taken care of (Gov’t payouts for it, since 1998: £250,000 [$490k]) . . . . . Yikes: Child-protection people in Virginia asked for $32m to crack down on the people who have child porn on their computers, as identified from peer-to-peer networks, and we’re talking about, er, 215,000 file folders housed on, er, 19,000 computers (in Virginia) (just one of the 50 united states).

The Human Condition Today
Recurring (but barely): A 3rd-grade boy in Highlands Ranch, Colo., is making plans to transfer soon to a new school but as a, uh, 3rd-grade girl (a topic that has come up before [NOTW 958, 6-18-2006], but of course, America needs to air this out, for the sake of all those other 8-yr-olds who are ready to make the Big Switch) . . . . . Continued thanks to other states for relieving Florida of its electoral-burlesque duties: (1) At least 10 people were milling around a polling station a half-hour before "opening" time on Tuesday in Milwaukee (Wisconsin primary: Feb. 19th); (2) About 1,000 people called Dallas, Tex., officials on Tuesday asking where that day’s voting stations are (Texas primary: March 4) [Links from BestOfTheWebToday] [Remember: When they all vote on November 4th . . same as yours] . . . . . In Cumberland County, Maine, the 6th report in about 10 months of a young guy frightening the ladies by parading around in women’s lingerie and boots, with the latest incident a traffic hazard, just stopping his car in front of a woman, getting out, and giving her a little street theater . . . . . A guy with a grievance against the local gov’t left various threatening notes around Tempe and Phoenix, Ariz., that he was mad and was gonna wipe out a lot of people, especially the "scum" and "villainy" in Scottsdale, mainly because officials wouldn’t recommend a liquor license for him, but he turned out to be all bluster, just like all those gov’t-hating blowhards (Oh, wait, sorry ‘bout that) . . . . . Bless his heart, that young Martin Gonzalez, 19. He got caught stealing some vinyl foam from his employer in Las Cruces, N.M.: "It was my first time. I thought it was going to be easy."

Your Daily Loser
According to police, Javier Martinez, 31, started to sexually assault the woman in her apartment in Frederick, Md., then said he had to step out but would be back within the hour, and he was right on time, but obviously . . ..

Two male Komodo dragons were born without benefit of sperm (experts believe that, anyway, though they’re checking all over for how wild sperm may have actually gotten past them to the eggs, in that, well, Komodos are known for "storing" sperm) (Seriously) . . . . . More punchline-friendly news: Israel is considering giving therapeutic doses of Viagra to its military pilots because it reportedly helps high-up mountain-climbers to perform better . . . . . has the federal indictment cover sheet for those 61 Gambino family people, er, alleged Gambino family people, including Tommy Sneakers, Joe Rackets, Dom from 18th Avenue, The Greaseball, Joe Marco Polo, Miserable, The Doctor, Jackie the Nose, Vinny Hot, The Conductor, Fatso, Marbles, Bobby the Jew, Eyes, One Eye, Dead Eye, Buckwheat, Cheeks, Treetop, Johnny Red Rose, and Mike the Electrician.

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Matthew Silberzweig, on trial in New York City for soliciting his business partner’s murder (bottom photo is Silberzweig) (News You Can Use, especially when you're in NYC: According to the prosecutor, "Barry Weisman [Silberzweig’s target] is an annoying guy, but you can’t kill someone because they’re annoying").

Yesterday Yr Editor attempted to solve for you why that big-oaf high school football player would gratuitously carry out a formal "commitment" press conference, naming the college he had finally decided to accept a scholarship from. The only explanation that made any sense was that the kid was easily duped and that someone he named as "Kevin Riley" talked the talk of representing a college or two and that the oaf, Kevin Hart, believed him. It turns out that Yr Editor gave Hart way too much credit. In reality, Hart actually did the completely inexplicable: He knew no one had recruited him; he desperately wanted to be recruited; recruited kids have commitment ceremonies; hence, he staged a commitment ceremony.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
If you’re totally into body-mod, and you’ve got a tat of a buxom woman on your arm, the next step is to get her "implants" to up her buxomity [LINK corrected] (if you don’t mind the permanent swollen spot on your arm).

Newsrangers: Jeff Berg, Paul Di Filippo, Bob Pert, Sue Clark, Jenny Aus
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.