Things To Worry About On Monday
Another beauty queen goes nuts / The blind acupuncturist goes for a license / Two words: "rogue taxidermy" / Dining out at the city dump / Who says Wesley Snipes can't act? / And more!
Civilization in Decline
Personal Responsibility on the Back Burner: Two F State teens stole $167 from cookie-selling Girl Scouts and the next day got all righteously pissed that they were arrested [Bonus: and freely expressed such pissitude to a TV camera] (Also in the "personal responsibility"-"F State" intersection: Officially now, Wesley Snipes is smart enough that he figured out how to act stupid enough to convince a jury that he wasn’t smart enough to know what nobody you know is stupid enough to believe about taxes) . . . . . A member of the South African Parliament proposed legalizing prostitution temporarily as a way of relieving women of their traditional South African role as rape victims (because rape happens when men "don’t have access to [women]") (Yes, he apologized, sort of) . . . . . A Nat’l Guard major general, evaluating Homeland Security disaster plans, concluded "You couldn’t move a Girl Scout unit with the kind of planning [the Pentagon is] doing" . . . . . District of Calamity: That Youth Rehabilitative Services agency [NOTW M042, 1-27-2008] apparently released a kid who had all the clues for being unreleasable, and, presto!, less than two months later, it looks like he’s tried to kill nine people [Washington Post] . . . . . Some California legislators might have a problem with STOLI’s, which are life insurance policies that brokers you barely know take out on you and then sell to hedge funds, who party down when you die.
The Human Condition Today
A San Diego man’s suicide was unsuccessful, thanks to his girlfriend’s intervention, but that just ticked him off; he started roughing her up, but another man intervened and wrestled the guy down, in the process killing him . . so everybody wound up happy after all [Bonus: The deceased’s name is Kevorkian] . . . . . New York artist Nate Hill, according to an Associated Press eye-opener, works in the medium of, er, dead animals . . . . . In another NYC borough, a doctor’s office receptionist got in trouble for standing over the patient (about to be ambulanced to a hospital for chest pains) until she coughed up that $5 co-pay . . . . . The ol’ exorcism defense to murder: He was holding his wife’s head down to drive the devil out when said devil just reared up and shot through his own body, forcing him to ram that sword into her . . . . . People Going Nuts: (1) a former beauty queen in Fayetteville, N.C. (she careened through traffic to cut off her "friend," screaming at her, driving ahead and turning around so she could stalk her from the other lane) [Bonus: Yes, yes! She was Miss Congeniality] (2) A Warminster, Pa., 4th-grade teacher went on a low-grade terror campaign (bomb threats, white powder, nails in the parking lot) because she had wanted to be a 5th-grade teacher.
Thomas Souhlaris’s brilliant business plan was thwarted by officials in Derry, N.H., who refused to let him run his sausage stand at the city dump (Bonus: One of the town’s justifications was that it feared a food court would develop at the dump) . . . . . Blind acupuncturist Juliana Cumbo told Texas regulators she can jab needles into precisely the right places as well as any sighted person . . . . . The newsletter of Maine’s Camden-Rockport Middle School informed parents that "intentional farting" is now a detention-worthy offense . . . . . Philip Morris said it will test (in Turkey) shorter cigarettes (but with the same nicotine!), aimed at smokers in cold climates who have to go freeze outside to light up.
Things That Seem Wrong
The NY Post learned, among other things, that state Medicaid money paid for 20,040 prescriptions for anti-psychotics for children in 2006, though the drugs are not approved for children, but doctors approved ‘em anyway.
Our favorite dognaping Texas mayor [NOTW M043, 2-3-2008] resigned, finally, and this very morning faces another day in court over who gets little Puddles aka Panchito, and depending on the outcome, seems a candidate for a suicide watch.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Cheeseburger in a Can (enough said!) [Gizmag.com]
Newsrangers: Joe Littrell, Steve Miller, Larry Ellis Reed, Perry Levin, Stephen Taylor, H.Thompson, Sue Clark, Scott Langill
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.