Things To Worry About On Tuesday
The year of our honorable friend, the rat / "Sex Offender Registration Window" (step right up) / Aerated pork brains / Sadness in the cornhole community / Bums, Not Bombs / And more!
Civilization in Decline
It’s been a long war of bullets, bombs, and nerves, and it has to be a good sign that some Israeli soldiers have begun to attack Palestinians by just mooning them . . . . . Female Muslim doctors in Britain have made it clear that, MRSA or not, C.dificile or not, they’re not washing their arms past the wrist because it’s forbidden in Islam to bare their forearms in public (notwithstanding that Yr Editor could assure the imams that there’s no record yet, even in News of the Weird, of any man getting excited about a bare female forearm) . . . . . PETA called on China to respect rats ("Rats sing, they dream, and they express empathy for others," PETA says), but China barely respects human rights, so— . . . . . The new Gypsies of Dragasani, Romania: 752 arrested already for ripping off super-gullible Americans and other web-surfers lookin’ for deals (Bonus: They're so good at it, the European Union's giving 'em training grants) . . . . . A court in Iran sentenced two sisters to stoning deaths for adultery, but one thing is the same there, as here: One of the women said, "I do not approve the confessions that I made . ., and I deny what I said." [Sweet!]
Brit Michelle Stepney and her doctors said her rambunctious fetal twins actually kicked her cervical cancer tumor loose and rendered it less dangerous . . . . . The county manager in Pasquotank County, Va., said he’d change the sign at the window in the Public Safety Building—the one that makes gun-permit applicants and sex offenders register at the same window.
You already know this [NOTW Daily, 12-8-2007], but the NY Times this morning has a full backgrounder on the neurological condition of those workers at Quality Pork Processors of Austin, Minn., who either inhaled, or had their skin penetrated by, "aerosolized" pork brain matter; since it causes the immune system to attack itself, Yr Editor figures that, by the time you read this, at least a half dozen writers are working on spec scripts for the Sci-Fi Channel . . . . . And, as you already know [NOTW 878, 12-5-2004], "cornhole" has a way-different meaning in Cincinnati and a few other parts of the Midwest than it has in, er, the rest of the country, which is a good thing, because according to the Cincinnati Enquirer, "Jailed Cornhole Champ Dies," and that would be a guy 6-foot-4, 300 lbs., who didn’t do cornholing unless his "partner" participated. But, it’s a different cornhole.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Every single American ought to be conversant with the Bristol Stool Form Scale, meaning the 7 different shapes of caca, ‘cause if you don’t know that, you don’t know sh*t.
NOTW, The Blog
Yeah, yeah, I know I recently changed the frequency of posting to just Mon-Wed-Fri, and today is Tuesday, but just, just . . . just don’t worry about it. It’s the Lexapro talking.
Newsrangers: Karl Olson, R.W. Zehr, Paul Di Filippo, Ron Ramsey, Christopher Nalty, Kurt Knochel, Bob Pert
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.