Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Things To Worry About On Wednesday
Guantanamo for sexual deviates / Booze, sex, and softball among the prison wardens / World’s most courageous divorcé / Bite-mark mania / And more!

Civilization in Decline
Compassion! No, Security! No, Compassion! No, wait, Security! No, no, Compassion! That’s it, Compassion: So if Immigration gets behind in processing 47,000 green cards because of security concerns, let compassion prevail, and the cards go out, anyway, because, after all, surely 90 percent of the 47,000 aren’t up to no-good . . . . . Churches can’t stop priests from stealing by appealing to the, y’know, Commandments, so they opt for a supply-side solution, with college courses on detecting embezzlement . . . . . Gov’t in Action: A local council in County Durham, England, paid out £60 ($117) for medium Suzanne Hadwin after a subsidized-housing resident saw a nightgown come flying down the stairs.

The Human Condition Today
Ingenious golf-ball diver William Stoner (scuba-fishing 3,000 balls at a time from water hazards to sell back to the golf course) was arrested for importing out-of-control Asian grass carp to dump in the hazards to denude them of vegetation and make his job easier! . . . . . Who Knew? The almost-cartoon-like corruption of the Florida prison system under since-convicted James Crosby was organized around booze (check!), sex (check!), and, er, softball (Said his successor: “People were promoted on the spot after a softball game . . to high positions in the [corrections] department because they were able to hit a softball out of the park a couple of times”) . . . . . She took the break-up badly: 10,843 text messages to his cell phone in two months, plus landline calls and personal sightings . . . . . Who Knew II: A couple of Austin, Tex., Bangladeshis, fed up with what a couple of other Austin, Tex., Bangladeshis are doing, formed their own Bangladeshi support group but are now being sued by the first group, which is, allegedly, “a collection of a few egotistical individuals whose sole purpose is to undermine . . the Austin Bangladeshi community” (of 150).

Your Daily Losers
(1) She accidentally stuck her meth stash in the bank envelope that she dropped in the ATM slot while making a deposit. (2) A local Virginia guy drove a Hummer (with Michigan plates; stolen in Tennessee) to the welfare office to apply for benefits.

NOTW Lite
Anton Popazov and wife Nataliya are divorcing, but they have a year-long performance contract with the Moscow State Circus and must carry it out, even though their act is . . that Anton stands with an apple on his head, and Nataliya shoots it off with a crossbow (Seriously). (“I still trust her because Nataliya is very professional”)

Things That Seem Wrong
The att’y gen’l of Mississippi announced the arrest of a much more likely perp in the brutal rape/murder of two little girls in the 1990s (but who was not pursued at that time because DA Forrest Allgood was damned certain another guy did it, based on evidence produced by two doctors who had come up with this revolutionary ability to see bite-mark patterns that no one else could see. The hapless victim of the “technology,” who was eventually freed from death row based on that wild, newfangled, space-age thing called “DNA,” is expected to be completely exonerated, which he hasn’t been yet, due to Allgood’s insistence that the bite-mark thingie (fluorescent lights, yellow goggles) doesn’t lie. [Link to Radley Balko’s post on Reason.com]

Updates
(1) The 1950s wave of young Chinese immigrants is moving into death season, which means more business for funeral homes and emporiums that cater to that tradition of burning/burying “joss” paper replicas of things the deceased will need in the afterlife [NOTW M001, 4-15-2007], such as telephones, TV sets, laptops, and (seriously) credit cards. (2) The Nutcracker Suite hanger [NOTW Daily, 2-12-2008] has been ID’d by the NY Post, but the Daily News is still withholding; he’s 64, a retired math teacher. (Bonus: The Daily News, interviewing other residents of Nutcracker’s building, found one to say, about the clients that came in, “It was like Guantanamo for sexual deviants. It was Abu Ghraib in Manhattan, but for pleasure.” [Give that neighbor a PR contract!] (3) Here’s a better description of that lacrosse-team-less Duke strip show on Super Bowl Sunday [NOTW Daily, 2-7-2008], with Stuart Taylor Jr’s conclusion: “If only the lacrosse players had understood [the PC game], they could have lined up university funding to hire a better class of strippers: college-educated white people spouting vacuous political bromides and sporting dollar bills and sparklers [in their asses].”

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe tomorrow.™

Newsrangers: Paul Music, H.Thompson, Scott Schrier, Stephen Taylor, Gil Nelson
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.