Friday, March 28, 2008

Things To Worry About On Friday
Cage-fighting 6-year-olds / Making their way onto TSA’s agenda: travelers’ nipple rings / The man’s been a wreck ever since Bigfoot molested him / The cigarette-puffing tortoise / And more!

Civilization in Decline
The AP found an “ultimate fighting” club in Carthage, Mo., with 11 kids ages 6-14 (including a girl) that couldn’t be prouder to live in the only state that lets kids be cage fighters . . . . . Transportation Security Administration officials say, no, they don’t have an official policy on travelers wearing nipple rings, but a woman in Los Angeles said she was given the choice of no-fly or removing them with a TSA-supplied pair of pliers . . . . . The NY Times yesterday revealed that a 22-yr-old CEO of a Pentagon contractor, operating out of a nondescript Miami Beach office, has done over $300m worth of business providing munitions for the Afghanistan gov’t, representing a humongous profit because nearly all the munitions were old, expired, obsolete relics discarded by other countries, and furthermore, some were from China, which would be illegal, and of course, the Pentagon was all shoulder shrugs about it until Times reporters came along (Bonus: CEO was carrying a forged driver’s license and had a domestic stayaway order against him) . . . . . Berlin Zoo came under fire because exotic animals seem to vanish without a trace, and a Green Party pol said it’s because the Zoo had become overpopulated (to increase attendance, since the public loves cute little critters) and is now forced to sell surplus to abattoirs and researchers.

The Human Condition Today
Let’s get those state test scores up, said the Texas principal to the teachers, grimly, or else “I will kill you all and kill myself” . . . . . Officials in Australia’s Queensland state are finding it difficult to explain to the defendant all of his legal rights because he insists he’s God and doesn’t need them . . . . . The plodding, methodical Derick Berry, 52, was subdued and arrested after calmly running bathwater for his wife, announcing (in answer to her question) that he was going to drown her (Bonus: This all took place in her hospital room) . . . . . Tacky: Missouri suspended one lawyer’s license (and two more are in the balance) over bribery and lying to federal investigators over [drum roll!] a Terry Bradshaw autograph (Bonus: It was his autograph on a baseball) . . . . . Gene Morrill, 57, trying to save himself from a lengthy prison term for soliciting boys for sex, played the Bigfoot card, i.e., Sasquatch is the one that started me down this road to ruin . . . . . One store on which you ought not try to skip out on the bill: a portrait studio . . . . . Driving into post offices is apparently Glenn Sparling’s thing, this time the one in Ravenden Springs, Ark. . . . . . And this report out of Bellingham, Wash., where a building belonging to Georgia-Pacific Corp. was being demolished, but then caught fire, and the Bellingham Fire Dept. came and put it out.

Your Daily Loser
Zachary Booso, 19, shot in the cheek, shoulder, and thigh by gangbang—oops, make that, shot himself in the cheek, shoulder, and thigh, because he wanted his friends and ex-girlfriend to think he was mixed up in gangs.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Art Price, Jr., 40, Bellevue, Ohio, at least knows he has a problem, but he can’t stop himself from getting captured on video four times by grossed-out neighbors as he walked naked into his back yard, hopped onto a metal table, and humped it. (But he cleaned the deck underneath each time!)

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Gary Weaver, 41, charged this week on a warrant for theft from 1990 (Bonus: Because of a couple of quirks of Ohio law at the time, his bond for the $21 theft was, er, $1 million)

NOTW Lite
Finally, a second good use of hydrogen sulfide (“rotten-egg”) (beyond vandalism to get a day off from school): It can induce a safer coma-like-state to allow major trauma injuries to stabilize (in low concentrations, researchers emphasize) . . . . . Agence France-Presse has located a man in the Chinese province of Jilin who has a tortoise that can puff through a cigarette in four minutes . . . . . Some Afghan Taliban officials said maybe, well, they shouldn’t ought to blow up any more cell-phone towers because they've learned that, of all things, not getting a cell-phone signal gets people really mad.

Updates
Since NOTW Daily posted the link on Monday [3-24-2008] to the Advocate article by the “pregnant husband,” other media have piled onto the story, including Britain’s Guardian, which reported that (1) Advocate’s editor said the man’s doctor [Ed.: Gynecologist? I guess so] had been contacted and had verified the story but (2) one of the husband’s neighbors in Oregon said he saw the man just last week and that there was no baby bump and (3) the husband is under a “confidentiality” contract and will not speak to the media until it expires, which is coincidentally (?), er, April 1st.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Last year, NOTW (and everyone else) reported on the German rabbit breeder creating monster bunnies that he tried to pitch to North Korea as food supplies for poor families [NOTW Daily, 1-13-2007]. It turns out that that wasn’t a monster bunny. This is a monster bunny.

Newsrangers: John Sauter, Christopher Nalty, Amy Rogers, Michael Ravnitzky, Jim Bishop, Catherine May, Karl Olson, Hal Dunham, John Holsinger, Michael Lawlor, Jerry Whittle, Sam Gaines, Emory Kimbrough, Craig Cryer, Joe Littrell, Bob Pert
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.