Friday, March 07, 2008

Things To Worry About On Friday
Jail for the Malaysian teapot-worshiper / The plight of the militant gay Israeli Palestinian / Making sidewalks safe for clumsy texters / A theater revival in Minnesota bars / And more!

Civilization in Decline
One of the 12 U.S. pedophiles indicted this week as part of the global Internet child-porn network (that hid behind sophisticated encryption) was caught in an e-mail to another member: “My thanks to you and all the others that together make this the greatest group of pedos ever to gather in one place” . . . . . Just because barely half of Malaysians are Muslims doesn’t mean that other religions are OK, especially that “Sky Kingdom” lady who worshiped the two-story teapot that the gov’t demolished in 2005, and now she’s off to jail . . . . . The Vatican said it will give priests in Italy a refresher course in hearing confessions, seeing as how 20-30 percent of confessors don’t like‘em listening in to their sins [but do priests inspire less confidence or are penitents just doing worse stuff?].

The Human Condition Today
A Tough Sell: At a storefront gallery in Tel Aviv, a 26-yr-old gay male Arab performance artist is “The Bride of Palestine” in a bloody wedding dress, perhaps making a mental note of whether Jews hate him more for rubbing Palestinian suffering in their faces or Arabs hate him more for being gay . . . . . Dripping Irony: A Sacramento-area high school teacher allegedly tried to get two girls to pose in “revealing” military clothing for his photographic pleasure, and where have we heard that theme, oh, oh, yeah, the teacher actually served a tour in Iraq, stationed at Abu Ghraib . . . . . Can’t Possibly Be True: The Daily Mail may have reported just a stunt here, passed off as local-gov’t news, but anyway, following a survey on how unobservant London pedestrians are when texting, the sidewalks on one busy street had padding added to lampposts to reduce texters’ shoulder separations, etc. . . . . . The CEO of a mortgage investment company was fined $29k by a federal judge for using the F word, er, aggressively, 73 times during a deposition he apparently didn’t like giving . . . . . Tavern theater in Minnesota: Bar owners discovered a loophole in the state no-smoking law, and some convert their establishments on weekends into smoking-permitted “theater”-stages, with patrons as “actors” . . . . . Parenting/Thinking Out of the Box: (1) He was only trying to show his kids that they could have fun doing something that didn’t cost money, like getting tumbled inside a dryer (but then, it heated up). (2) Surveillance video from the Magical Car Wash in Orlando showed two ladies power-washing a young girl.

Your Daily Loser
Sounds Like a Plan: Take your gal out to a big meal at, well, Applebees (but still, the check came to $57) and “pay” for it by putting some worms in the leftovers so the manager would comp the dinner, but then stick your supply bag of worms in the lady’s purse . . . but then, after all that, the lady accidentally leaves the purse behind when the two of you walk out in “disgust.” Busted.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
The Sun (London) found a contractor at the Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital fooling around sexually with “Henry Hoover,” which I gather is what Brits call one model of canister vacuum with a cover designed to look like a man’s face; the guy said he was only vacuuming his underpants, which according to him is “a common practice in [his native] Poland.”

NOTW Lite
The Cann Hall Primary School in Britain decided that the Internet was full of child predators and so, though continuing to post candid photos of school activities, inserted smiley faces over each child’s head on its website [ThisIsLondon.co.uk has some of the ridiculously eerie photos, but the entire site is down now, apparently, as they, er, rethink this strategy].

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe next time.™

NOTW, The Blog
By the way, Yr Editor should have used Prof. Music’s kicker on Wednesday to the not-guilty finding for the well-endowed Japanese model (because her breasts made her too big to squeeze through the hole that she allegedly kicked in the wall): “If the breasts don’t fit, you must acquit”

Newsrangers: Karl Olson, Mark Neunder, Larry Ellis Reed, Michael Ravnitzky, Philip Urban, Joe Littrell, Scott Langill, Steve Dunn
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.