Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Things To Worry About On Wednesday
Exporting psychotherapy (to India) and advertising (to outer space) / Patient records sold as scrap paper / Hoarders get their own distinctive brain-wave signature / Elephants block the voting booths / And more!

Civilization in Decline
Oh, jeez, the very best of Earth, headed for other solar systems: On June 12th, outer-space scientists plan to send a Doritos commercial to, at least, the Great Bear Constellation 42 light yrs away . . . . . And, oh, jeez, the very best of America, headed for India: Researchers have discovered that if they ask the right questions, it turns out that the billion people in India suffer from about as much depression/anxiety as do Americans, a finding that of course pleases the shrink community very much, enoughso that they’re willing, for now, to trust “treatment” to low-cost laypeople (but certainly only as placeholders, until they can build up the psychotherapy industry from its current presence of 4,000 doctors) . . . . . Britain’s teachers are embarrassed, apparently, that a UNICEF report revealed UK kids as the most “unhappy” ones in the survey sample, and they want to fix that (but one high school’s introduction of happiness lessons seems a little, well, typical, actually) . . . . . Can’t Possibly Be True: A box containing Florida hospital records of 28 patients, sent by UPS for Medicare audit to Nevada, wound up sold for $20 as scrap paper to a company in Salt Lake City . . . . . A gay Iranian teenager’s partner back home has already been executed for his sexuality, but Britain wouldn't give him asylum, and now the Netherlands won't, either, on the ground that he won't really be in jeopardy back home if he just acts more, y'know, manly. (Bonus: Iranian lesbian, same problem!)

The Human Condition Today
Eliot Who? Tampa woke up this morning to its own scandal (“The Judge and the Stripper”), and “he said” not much while “she said” they commingled bank accounts to hide something-or-other, and she wants her dough back, which if true, would be behavior so inexplicable for a judge as to even violate the F State judicial code . . . . . Australia’s “Dr. Death,” Jayant Patel, who was allegedly about as likely during his stint as chief surgeon in a Queensland hospital to remove a healthy part as a diseased one, was arrested in Oregon (Money quote from Patel, on hygiene: “Doctors’ hands don’t get germs”) . . . . . A man, about to be arrested in Carson City, Nev., tried to hold cops at bay with a threat of suicide, which he would effect by swallowing this-here entire bottle of Viagra . . . . . MSNBC reported research showing that hoarders register altogether different brain activity than other people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (Bonus: The actress Delta Burke hoards porcelain dolls and antique furniture in 27 climate-controlled storage lockers)

Your Daily Loser
Alejandro Renteria, 23, fleeing police in Grand Island, Neb., tossed his telltale gun into the lake, where cops would never find it, except that the lake was largely frozen, and there lay the gun, right there on the ice.

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Frank McCowan, 55, accused of messing around with a kid (Bonus Today: John Gates, alleged out-of-control wanker)

Sunday was the day of the annual pray-for-pets Catholic mass in Masaya, Nicaragua, which they do by dressing up the town’s dogs as babies, clowns, etc. . . . . . Election day in the Sri Lankan village of Wellaveli was ruined by those machines with the hanging chad—no, wait, it was ruined by the polling station being blocked by wild elephants (but commandos, in armored personnel carriers, drove ‘em away).

Add the Kentucky legislature to the list of entities clueless to the outside world, who believe they can casually refer to the Midwestern game of cornhole without causing the synapses to go haywire on half of all the men in America [NOTW 878, 12-5-2004] [NOTW Daily, 5-31-2006].

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Radhakant Bajpal, 50, of Kanpur, India, was recently notified by the Guinness Book people that, no-sir, there is no longer strand of hair growing out of anyone’s ear than those sprouting from his. Video and Slideshow!

NOTW, The Blog
The Vatican’s relationship with one of its recent saints, Padre Pio, keeps getting weirder. Yr Editor wrote in 1999 [NOTW 590, 5-28-1999]:
A beatification ceremony was held in Rome in May for the proposed saint, Padre Pio, of southern Italy, who died in 1968. Padre Pio was wildly loved by his parishioners but viewed skeptically by critics, including two Popes and other Vatican officials. According to his supporters, his hands bled from the crucifixion holes similar to those of Jesus, to the point where light passed through them; he once had a wrestling match with the devil, who gouged Padre Pio's eyes; and various parishioners (including a friend of the man who later became Pope John Paul II) were inexplicably cured of illnesses after praying through Padre Pio. He will need two posthumous miracles to become a saint.
[which, it turns out, were apparently no problem] John Paul II sponsored his sainthood and had the body stashed away, but Benedict’s regime wants him out on display for a few months. One problem: The top part of his skull is exposed, and it’s yucky. Second problem: No crucifixion holes. As Benedict surely knows, sometimes being a leader is not pretty.

Newsrangers: Paul Music, Emory Kimbrough, Bob Moore, Scott Schrier, Paul Blumstein, Philip Urban, Joe Littrell, Scott Langill
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.