Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Things To Worry About On Wednesday
Blood-farming in Uttar Pradesh / Saudi women, burqas, but Saudi camels, ooo-la-la! / Emerging excellence in homicide-charge denials / The phallic solution to the financial crisis / And more!

Civilization in Decline
In Riyadh, the sacred institution of holy matrimony was commenced for Mohammed al-Rashidi: “I am ready for this marriage. It will help me study better.” (Dude’s 11, ol’ lady’s 10) . . . . . In Uttar Pradesh state in India, authorities raided a “blood farm” (aka a contractor that supplies product for blood banks) and rescued 17 virtual catatonics who had apparently been supplying way too much of that “product.”

The Human Condition Today
82 yrs old, he started to clean his septic tank but fell in head first, legs kicking, and his wife couldn’t rescue him in time . . . . . Some richer, old-line Saudis have this thing for, er, camels (“It’s just like judging a beautiful girl. You look for big eyes, long lashes, and a long neck, maybe 39 or 40 inches”) (“She isn’t married yet, this one. She’s still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. The fur is trimmed so it’s short and clean, just like a girl going to a party.”) [Shouldn’t the animal-rights activists be protecting these sweeties’ modesty, with camel burqas?] . . . . . No no no, I didn’t kill my wife, said Hans Reiser, on trial in Oakland, Calif., except that on the stand, he admitted several times that he’s an a-hole [Ed.: word modified for e-mail readers], but not a murderer! . . . . . But even more panache was shown by Jeffrey Gilham, on trial for 3 murders in Australia: Oh, yes, I stabbed my brother to death in 1993, he said, but I didn’t have nuthin’ to do with the killings of my mom and dad, who were stabbed to death in the same spot at the same time with the same weapon with about the same number of blows by a killer crouching in the same position.

Your Daily Loser
Nita Sureka, 28, taking her driver’s test in a Washington, D.C., suburb, crashed into the DMV building.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
You’re Michael Hamilton. You’re horny. The aesthetically challenged Kelli Still, 43, is the best you can do. Why, Kelli’ll even do it just for gas money. Not a moment made in heaven. We don’t even know whether Michael got any or not, but, for his trouble, he did get the hell stabbed out of him.

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
A special delight from TheSmokingGun.com: Floyd Bebee, 48, and his son Justin, 21, both charged with something or other:

NOTW Lite
A busy UK highway “at Llandrindgod Wells” got closed down for 10 hours so horny frogs could hop on [not “horned frogs,” “horny” frogs] . . . . . Fine Points of the Law: The feds are sending to trial a man, 48, who pretty much intended to fly to Costa Rica primarily to do a teenage prostitute, which would be illegal under U.S. law, but they arrested him before he even got on the plane to leave, so where’s the illegal act? (What if he’d gotten cold feet and never gone through with meeting her?) . . . . . A Dutch winemaker just had his nose insured by Lloyd’s of London for $8m ($2m less than Ms. America Ferrera had her “smile” insured by Lloyd’s) . . . . . “With the economy, with the Bear Stearns thing happening today, why not a giant penis on the roof?” — Ryan Walker (whose good friends painted that G.P. on the roof 6 months ago to see how long it’d take Ryan to discover it [answer: 6 months!])

Update
Yr Editor wrote [NOTW Daily, 3-7-2008]:
Can’t Possibly Be True: The Daily Mail may have reported just a stunt here, passed off as local-gov’t news, but anyway, following a survey on how unobservant London pedestrians are when texting, the sidewalks on one busy street had padding added to lampposts to reduce texters’ shoulder separations, etc. . . . .
According to this piece in Britain’s media trade journal, Press Gazette, a stunt is just what it was, so Yr Editor is exempt from the ridicule. This is Pro Edition; Yr Editor looks out for you!

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Two new top-of-the-line entries at Bmezine.com’s Modblog (2nd one would be Not Safe For Work™ the first, Not Safe For Stomachs™) (They’re the top two on 3-18-2008, but if you’re late coming to this, this is the first story, and this is the second)

Newsrangers: Brent Grahn, Mike Mendenhall, Paul Blumstein, Perry Levin, Stefan Palys, Eric Gibbs
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.