Things To Worry About On Wednesday
Robber calls ahead to make sure there’s cash on hand / Hawaii’s volcano people, living in paradise / Mexican border-jumper forces immigration official to tap out / Carl Spackler lives! / And more!
Civilization in Decline
The Pentagon revealed that, yes, it did mistakenly send four fuses for nuclear missiles to Taiwan when it meant to send helicopter batteries, but, second, not to worry, because it caught the error, er, 18 months later, but still . . . . . So there’s a brain-damaged truck-crash victim who can’t even remember that her son was just killed in Iraq and who wins $1M from the trucker, and first the lawyers, etc., suck out $580k of that, leaving $417k, and then Wal-Mart stockholders suck that out, since she was covered under Wal-Mart’s health-insurance plan, whose fine print says she has to give up insurance payouts.
The Human Condition Today
Firefighter Mary Wolski says her constitutional rights were violated by her bring pink-slipped, just because she set her father’s trailer-home on fire when she got depressed . . . . . The captain of the cheerleaders at West Boca Raton (Fla.) High School died of complications from breast-augmentation surgery . . . . . “This is heaven on Earth” said a representative of a group of residents who live in houses constructed upon charred black rocks far from civilization (namely, the active Kilauea volcano in Hawaii) . . . . . A Beaumont, Tex., woman enforced, at gunpoint, her house rule that deliverymen are not to come into her home unless they remove their shoes first . . . . . Unclear on the Concept: (1) 18-yr-old guy in Chicago tried to rob a muffler shop at 9 a.m., but the manager wasn't in, and only he had access to the cash, and so our guy left his cell phone number and told the employees to give him a ring when the manager showed up so he could come back and rob ‘em (and he tried) (Seriously); (2) 40-yr-old guy in Windsor, Ontario, called up the convenience store 90 minutes ahead of time to make sure there was money in the till before he went to the trouble of driving down there to rob it (there was; he did; he was arrested) . . . . . Readers’ Choice: Ronald Long, 40, Deepwater, Mo., frustrated that he couldn’t drill a hole in the wall to run his satellite TV wire into the house, shot the hole open with his .22-caliber handgun, but on the other side of the wall, inadvertently, was the now-late-Mrs. Long.
Your Daily Loser
F-Stater Frank Singleton, released from jail after a misdemeanor trespassing charge, walked out to the parking lot and tried to jack a car, and that one is a felony (Bonus: He was arrested at the scene, slowed down because the car was a stick-shift, which he couldn’t drive.)
Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Steven Ross Fowler, 40, allegedly a serious copper thief
The newest masked wrestler in Los Angeles’s lucha libre community: Super Mojado (i.e., Super Wetback), and his opponent, in the corner to my left, wearing the black tights with the white lettering . . I-N-S! . . . . . Life Imitates Caddyshack in Calgary: Two men with a Carl Spackler device to blast gophers out started a massive grass fire.
Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe next time.™
NOTW, The Blog
Erroror: The Aboriginal Manitoban woman on Monday (3-24-2008) was not pregnant from the original rape by the brother when he kicked her; coulda been somebody else's, or coulda been the brother's on a return visit.
Newsrangers: Catherine May, Stephen Taylor, Karl Olson, Gerald Sacks, Eric Gibbs, Diane Gunnels-Rowley, Sam Gaines, and quite a few finders of the Readers’ Choice stories and the two unclear-on-the-concept robbers
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.