Friday, April 25, 2008

Things To Worry About On Friday
Detergent-based suicides in Japan / Lawyers are brought into the tug-of-war over a Beckham jersey / Teacher’s problem is that she bruises too easily / Border Patrol gets tough / And more!

Creme de la Weird
It’s Good to Be a British Prisoner (continued): An official of the prison guards’ union said conditions are so lax that at one prison, a drug dealer climbs over the wall at night to get into the prison so he can sell (and also that no one goes back out with him because, among other favorable conditions, drugs are more accessible than on the street) (but prison officials say the guards’ official’s claim that prisoners get “breakfast in bed” is an exaggeration, saying it’s only that they can carry their hot “breakfast packs” back to their cells if they want)

Civilization in Decline
Kinder, Gentler Border Patrol: BP just purchased 1,000 paintball guns . . . . . The city gov’t of Seoul identified its 88 worst employees (out of almost 10,000) and sent them away for some attitude-adjustment work in factories or on farms (and of course for some obscure reason there were complaints) . . . . . An FAA official said that if you flew into or out of Dallas between November 2005 and July 2007, and you’re here to read this, you’re luckier than you thought.

The Human Condition Today
Yr Editor calls the genre “The Only Way Out,” but in Japan, with a sky-high suicide rate, there are apparently many Ways Out, and the latest fad seems to be detergent-based . . . . . An F State grandmother added a requirement for being a third-grade teacher: gotta be able to take a punch (because when the grandson popped the teacher in the face, the teacher bruised up so easily it made the kid look like a bad boy, which of course, he’s not) . . . . . Why we have lawyers: Parents of best-friend 9- and 10-yr-olds drew lines in the sand over ownership of that Beckham jersey that Beckham handed them (because they didn’t grab the jersey from him simultaneously, and possession being 9/10ths of the law) . . . . . Here’s a pretty serious “Munchausen by proxy” case from Houston (mother set up 500 doctor visits for 3 little kids; one wound up with a feeding valve) . . . . . Travis McNeece finally pleaded guilty to molesting that little girl after claiming, for weeks, that (1) he took her shorts off only because he was so worried that she wasn’t wearing underwear and wanted to find some to put on her and (2) his own stuff was exposed only because, of course, as always, his zipper broke . . . . . Don’t you realize how much skill is required, especially if you’re drunk, to get your SUV off of the street, through a yard, around to the back, and smack into a swimming pool?

Your Daily Loser
It’s almost No Longer Weird, but here’s yet another home invader, Alvaro Castro, 25 and presumably spry, who gets the crap beat out of him by the resident, who is nearly blind.

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Former elementary school teacher Kenneth Fire, 50, got 5 yrs in prison for child porn, even though he had a perfectly good reason for it, to wit, he acknowledges that he’s emotionally stunted and had to take refuge in an online fantasy world in which grownups like him all pretended to be kids, and if they sent naked pictures of themselves, why, they couldn’t well send pictures of 50-yr-olds, could they?

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Denise Ann Dean, 36, charged with abuse of the 911 line

Updates
Padre Pio [NOTW M051, 3-30-2008] went on display in his parish, all restored after 40 yrs of being dead, and according to this report, there are still 3,000 Pio Prayer Groups out there, comprising 3m people (even though some observers still think he was a fraud and a cutter) . . . . . The former south Texas mayor, Grace Saenz-Lopez, in the absolute-final judicial disposition of that tacky dognaping case [NOTW M043, 2-3-2008], is now officially poochless.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
Not today. Maybe next time.™

Newsrangers: Jerry Whittle, Paul Edmond, Scott Schrier
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.