Monday, April 28, 2008

Things To Worry About On Monday
Glock-carrying Illinois babies? / The street-racing garbage truck / High gas prices? You’re not praying hard enough / Eyeglasses that won’t help you see, and watches that won’t help you tell time / And more!

Creme de la Weird
Health authorities in Rochester, Wash., raided a hoarder’s house and found it “heavily infested” with rats, which “rodent enthusiasts” around the state are trying furiously to put up for adoption. [Seattle Times (AP)]:
Rodent enthusiasts . . . constitute “a huge rat community,” said [one]. As of Thursday the group had captured 29 live rats, including 10 babies. “They’re very smart, they’re very clean, they can do tricks,” [she] said. “They’re like little miniature dogs.” [also see note below in The Blog]
Civilization in Decline
WWL-TV (N’awlins) found an important part of a flood wall repaired after Katrina to be, er, stuffed with newspaper (and that the Army Corps pronounced itself “satisfied” with that) . . . . . Illinois probably needs to tighten its gun-carry permit law, since it’s loose enough that this 10-month-old just got his license (Bonus: His name was already Bubba) . . . . . Two of the nine Baltimore-area middle-schoolers who participated in a potentially-fatal beatdown of a young couple on a transit bus in December said they’ll file $10m lawsuits against their school for suspending them and the transit company for barring their asses from future rides, because they don’t think they got due process [link from].

The Human Condition Today
Poor Dear: Arkansas inmate Broderick Laswell is suing because the food’s so bad that he’s lost one-fourth of his body weight (now down to 308) . . . . . People Whose Votes in November Count Just as Much as Yours: A hyphen man (PR man hyphen community organizer hyphen choir director) from Washington, D.C., is traveling to several cities to gather people to pray at gas stations (“God deliver us from these high gas prices”) . . . . . KUTV-TV, Salt Lake City, surveillance-cam’ed a young local woman who’s been panhandling for an estimated $50/day minimum (“homeless,” “need a ticket to Seattle”) yet won’t give up her ruse when they catch her on camera (but her mom did!) . . . . . Let’s Talk About You/What Do You Think of Me? (Cont’d): The miracle of Lasik surgery may improve your vision, but it just gets in the way of being able to wear cool, expensive eyeglasses, so get the surgery, and wear plain-glass glasses! [W$J, pay-per-view, and as of this morning, it hasn’t been Digg’d up to a free URL] . . . . . Street-racing is still a problem in Goderich, Ontario, despite a strict new law; if it’s not a garbage truck racing you (clocked at 112 km [67 mph]), it’s a car passing a marked patrol car at 178 (106 mph).

Your Daily Loser
From the great Kitsap County, Wash., Kitsap Sun: A 20-yr-old driver who stopped along the road to take a leak told the approaching officer that, well, he had to since he had consumed so much beer. But, he said, he wasn’t drunk and that the only reason he might be slurring his words was that, as his dentist had told him, “his mouth was too big for his tongue.” (.089) [That’s the blood-alcohol reading, not the percentage likelihood that he knows what he’s talking about]

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
Jeremy Pope, 26, Madison, Wis., is out on bond until his June hearing but in the meantime has been banned from ShopKo stores, and now Target stores, because he can’t stop urinating on the clothing. “Yeah, I have a problem,” he told police. “I feel sexually attracted to urine.”

Your Daily Jury Duty
[no fair examining the evidence; verdict based on mugshot only]
Gil Duff, 45, Cincinnati area, charged with trespassing [from]

So, if people are buying eyeglasses (non-Rx) that won’t help ‘em see, why not buy a watch that won’t help ‘em tell time? “Anybody can buy a watch that tells time; only a truly discerning customer can [pay $300k for one] that doesn’t,” says the Wall Street Journal (Bonus: It does, however, use a gravity-activated mechanism to tell “night” from “day”) [skip the W$J; here’s an older Reuters piece] . . . . . God’s Will: 40 people would not have been hurt Friday night if they had just stayed away from the Central Heights Church in Abbotsford, British Columbia, where the floor collapsed during a dance . . . . . Of course! If you fire your chef Xian Ming Wang, count on him challenging you to a duel with meat cleavers . . . . . Now you’re talking! $45 for not having sex! But that’s just if you’re part of a study of Tanzanians.

The F State
The NY Times this morning busts Florida’s various efforts to keep fraud-minded/really-stupid people from voting, including one technicality on the registration form: Ya have to certify, by checkmarking a box, that you’re not nuts, or that if you were nuts, you’re no longer nuts. If you leave the box blank, you’re not registered. The Times writer implies that the “3 percent” who have handed in their forms without checking the box constitutes an unfair suppression of those voters. Or, Yr Editor suggests, it might constitute a baseline number for “honest Floridians.”

So much of the weird news these days is simply newbie reporters’ fascination with things Yr Editor helped you learn years ago. Here we have Reuters reporting yesterday from the Greek island of Chios, where the Greek Orthodox celebrate Easter somewhat later than do we Bunny Rabbit People, and yesterday was their “bomb the churches” day [NOTW 849, 5-16-2004]. [Reuters]:
The goal of the ritual is to hit the bell tower of the rival church in the village during midnight mass with homemade rockets, made from the ingredients of gunpowder. You would think the parishioners inside the church would run for cover, but instead the service continues, and they watch as the rockets strike. The tradition goes back to the 19th century . . ..
NOTW, The Blog
Yr Editor led today with the adopt-a-rat story because of, ahhhh, loneliness. I sometimes miss hearing from readers, and any time in the past that I have run a story that seemed to disrespect the glorious Rattus norvegicus, at least one reader has tried to set me straight. OK: WeirdNews at the domain earthlink dot net.

Professor Music’s Weird Links
And speaking of lagomorphs, this site ratchets way down the notion that one can communicate effectively with his or her dog, or cat, or horse, etc. Far, far too much thought went into

Newsrangers: Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Kurt Knochel, Christopher Nalty, Joe Littrell
This posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.